Sunday, August 31, 2008

Montage Mountain

Behold the beauty of the montage. The slow-motion movements, the quick-cut closeups of pained facial expressions, the Ed Burns effect on a background cityscape, the swelling orchestra strings, and the triumphant horns.

The montage has the rare ability to transform lame into awesome in two minutes or less.

Sometimes when Dana, Stockton, and I are bored at home, I create a montage of my own - from myself (and my own slow-motion movements). Here is the song that I hear in my head...

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Stocking Up

Recently, my morning commute consisted of a DJ that disgusted me for the whole day. During a diatribe, the DJ, in comparing the original 1992 USA Basketball "Dream Team" and its more recent reincarnation as the "Redeem Team", dismissed John Stockton as an inferior point guard to Chris Paul, an up-and-comer who just finished his third season in the league.

I nearly pulled over and vomited.

It's not just the guys who get paid to speak in hyperbole who have lost the greatness of John Stockton. My Stockton may choose to eventually go by his middle name, because of the three namesake-understanding / acknowledging responses:

1) Ugh.
2) Dirty.
3) Short shorts.

If you are wondering, the proper three responses would be:

1) Best.
2) point guard.
3) ever.

If you define a point guard based on his ability to initiate his team's offensive attack and disrupt that of the opponents - this is not an argument. Stockton is is first all-time in assists (15,806!) and steals (3,265). Stockton averaged averaged a double-double for his career and had five of the top six assist total seasons in NBA history. For comparison's sake, Steve Nash won back-to-back MVPs averaging FEWER points and FEWER assists in a season than Stockton did over two seasons (88-89 / 89-90)! Over three seasons, Stockton AVERAGES over 17 points and 14 dimes PER GAME.

Although this post is starting to sound like psycho-fan-boy, it should be noted that Stockton turned down more money from other teams to stay in Utah, holds the career record for most games with a single franchise, took less money so Utah could build a contender in 96-97, and negotiated his own contract with a stipulation for his son's hockey team to get ice time in the Jazz arena. Stockton didn't accept endorsements and never sniffed trouble off the court.

Don't confuse Stockton's moxie-filled fighting through and setting screens with Malone's angry elbows. Don't mistake Stockton's tenacity with Malone's pointed toes. And finally, don't confuse the "new" guard as better than Silent John until they are looking down on him from atop the all-time assist list.



Dig those "mountain" jackets.

Friday, August 22, 2008

What's in a Name?

The ever-expanding metropolis of Bowling Green, Kentucky (known to some as little California or little Texas ;) ) recently announced it will be getting its own single-A baseball team. True to form, the folks bringing baseball to Bowling Green are holding a "Name the Team" contest. It is interesting that most of the names have some local flavor, instead of name that just alliterates with Bowling Green. Here are the finalists:

Bowling Green Speedsters - for Bowling Green's automotive heritage, which is fair, but boring; you can already see the cartoon car with the "speed lines" for the mascot.

Bowling Green Hot Rods - for the local, historical Hot Rod race track and the annual Hot Rod festival held here. Makes me think of something nuclear or the old Transformers movie...

Bowling Green Bluegills - a tenth of a point deduction for the alliteration; "named for the multitude of local residents who fish for Bluegill"; isn't the plural of "bluegill" also "bluegill"? like "bass" or "jazz" or "fish"? I've never heard someone say "I'm fishing for bluegills" but I don't fish.

Bowling Green Turbos - again, the automotive link; meh. makes me think of NBA Live. Maybe when a "turbo" hits a homerun the public address announcer can say, "He's on fire!"

Bowling Green Sparkplugs - "celebrating the city's love of motorsports with a name that minor league baseball is known for"; Not bad. Will they be the "plugs" for short?

Bowling Green Mammoths - One of my favorites. This whole region of Kentucky is above Mammoth Cave, the world's largest cave system. Not sure how you would work a mascot around a cave, but I like it alot.

Bowling Green Cave Shrimp - far and away my favorite. The perfect name for a minor league baseball team that is equal parts local and hilarious. "Cave Shrimp" are endangered albino shrimp that are indigenous to Mammoth Cave.

Bring on the Cave Shrimp!!!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Four Ever


Last Thursday, I celebrated four years of marriage with my lover and my friend, Dana. We visited the exact location of our first encounter and christened it with our favorite college-age food (Mariah's club sandwiches and sweet potatoes), four years of highs and lows, and lots of kisses and laughter. (Not laughter because of the kisses). The first time we met, I remarked about "the hot girl over there", on Thursday, and for the past 1000 Thursdays, I've been able to refer to her as "my beautiful wife".

I have attempted many times to wrap words around Dana, and only succeed in wanting to wrap my arms around her. She is perfect. If she were a television station, she would be CNN, HGTV, the Fashion Network, and Court TV all rolled into one - and I would watch her and only her forever.

She makes the Dana face and grumbles when I call her "wife" but I just smile. There is only one woman in the world that I can call "wife", and I am proud and privileged that she is it.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Worth Less Life

The Washington Post recently published an article on the EPA's reduction of the value of a human being. According to the "Value of Statistical Life", a life is worth 7.22 million dollars, down from 8.04 million. The figure, according to the article, is used, among other things, to measure whether particular safety measures in products should be taken. If reducing pollution would save 40 lives a year, but would cost more than 288.8 million (40 x 7.22), it would not be worth it to put the pollution-reducing restrictions in place.

I am having some difficulty putting pen to paper (or finger to keyboard) and getting ink around my thoughts. Ringing in my head...

1) "The ninety and the nine" song from the 94-year-old British lady in the Chattanooga nursing home (a loud and off key Luke 15 rendition)
2) Sgt. Slaughter's quote "We all go home or nobody goes home" in G.I. Joe: The Movie
3) the value of life in a culture of war and violence
4) how radically different the economy of the triune God still is today
5) how has this thinking infiltrated our churches?

Monday, August 11, 2008

My Dangerous Son


Yesterday, Stockton went to his first day at Broadway's Early Learning Center. He'll spend two mornings out of the week there with six other nearly one-year-olds. (Five of those six babies are girls - everywhere this boy goes he is surrounded by girls...uh-oh.) Dana provided the teachers with a brief description of Stockton - here is what she wrote under "Favorite Toys and Games"

Favorite Toys and Games: Hide and seek, peek-a-boo, wrestling, patty cake (with hands and feet), this little piggy. Loves to hang upside down, be thrown around, twirled, and anything else dangerous.

My dangerous son, whom I love.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Shady Shopping


Yesterday, buying all the materials for the upcoming youth Messy Games, I was walking through Wal-Mart with four rolls of colored duct tape, 15 cans of whipped cream, 15 bottles of chocolate syrup, and 8 bottles of baby oil.

Good thing I didn't let my middle school mustache grow out.

Awe-Less

Watching the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, where according to Matt Lauer the Chinese have spent 300 million dollars on the production (but that's another post). Unfortunately, Matt Lauer and Bob Costas are unable to go three seconds without explaining to the audience what is happening or some pithy statistic about how many flags they Chinese have sold.

Why can't they trust the audience to appreciate and stand in awe of it for what it us rather than have everything explained to death? It is a tiny gripe, to be sure, but a statement on living in a world where beauty must be explained. And if beauty must be explained, is it really beauty?

Monday, August 4, 2008

Death of an Icon

At midnight last night, an icon in my life passed away. This icon was there through every class at seminary, during the best and the worst of times in life and in ministry. I double-clicked this icon every single day, often several times a day, and connected to the Asbury community and the love and scholarship therein. Today, there is a hole between "My Documents" and "Microsoft Word" where FirstClass used to be.

First Class was a one-stop shop for all things Asbury and where I would immediately go during a lull in the day. Pull up your rocking chair, put in your dentures, bust out your spectacles, squint, and say it with me, "I will miss you First Class. I will miss your easy-to-use interface, and the ability to check the history of sent e-mails."

Sad day.