I'm not agreeing with it...I'm just saying...(no jinx, no jinx) 12:57 PM

The 2008 NBA playoffs begin tomorrow. Mine and Stockton's beloved Utah Jazz begin the first round at Houston on Saturday night. While I am an expert on all things Utah Jazz, I am certainly not a playoff prognosticator. Here is on expert predicting what will happen in the NBA playoffs. (Keep in mind this website accurately predicted every game of the Sweet 16, Elite 8, Final Four and Championship of the NCAA tournament.)

Hat tip to whatifsports.com

"Ultimately, the WhatIfSports.com NBA bracket concludes with the Western Conference survivor on top. Utah has the highest chance of winning the tournament at 21.2%. That is not exceptionally high, which is a sign that the playoffs should be great again this year, but the Jazz are the best team in the league. Looking into the numbers, Utah is really good and without an obvious weakness. The Jazz are in the top two in the conference in critical efficiency statistics like field goal percentage, adjusted field goal percentage, field goal percentage margin, rebounding percentage, as well as scoring margin - not to mention third in assist-to-turnover ratio and turnovers forced. With Deron Williams, Ronnie Brewer, Andrei Kirilenko, Carlos Boozer and Mehmet Okur starting and very solid role players like Kyle Korver, Matt Harpring and Paul Millsap coming off the bench, this is an extremely well-crafted team without a redundant player. After the Jazz, four other teams, Boston (12.8%), Phoenix (10.9%), Orlando (10.2%) and Denver (10.0%) are in the double-digit percentages for championship likelihood. The top-seeded Lakers win it all 6.3% of the time, while the defending champion Spurs do it just once every 30 or so times. Every team, including Atlanta, wins the championship at least 0.4% of the time - or at least 40 out of 10,000 tries."

Disclaimer: I am just making this public knowledge. I am not agreeing with it nor bragging about it, and therefore, not incurring the inevitable jinx.

Other disclaimer: This simulation doesn't take into account that God (the whole Mormon thing) and the NBA (Jordan PUSHED OFF!!) hate the Jazz.

....live in a VAN down by the RIVER 12:43 AM

A church parishioner asked me if I would be willing to be the motivational speaker at her high school's "academic pep really." The purpose of the pep rally is to motivate the students to perform well on upcoming standardized testing despite not receiving grades. Although the students do not receive grades, the school is graded by the students' scores.

rah-rah-sis-boom-bah
do your best so-we-get moolah

For a variety of reasons I had to turn down the engagement. But I am still curious as to what one would say to motivate these students. So here's the question readers, blogging friends, and lurkers (those who visit and read but never comment), what would you say to them?

and I've already got "reach for the stars...at least you land on the moon" so you can't use that.

You Might be a Student Minister if.... 12:56 AM

You may have been marked by the spin-cycle of student ministry if you can get with any of these.

- your shorts have been weighted down by the weight of 16 cell phones because you nodded in the affirmative when the kids asked "Can you hold this for me?"

- you have carried a tiny bible, an allergy counter-acting epi-pen, a stack of waiver forms, and grill lighter (for the candles later on don't you know!), in a backpack at the same time

- you spend half the summer in either a cabin or on an air mattress

- you've alternately been asked if you can do something about the youth OR if you are a youth (ALL THE TIME! :) )

- while going over your forthcoming message in your head, you had to make sure all hands were clear (as in, not where they shouldn't be)

- the parents think you are too young and the youth think you are too old

- 16 - 18 year olds drive better cars than you (Don't dis my Cavi now...)

- the senior minister has asked you to "come up with some games for the staff retreat"

- you've been asked how far is too far while taking sweet, sumptuous bites from a filet o' fish

- you own more custom made t-shirts (YOUTH MISSION 05 ) than store bought ones

- you have been to a lock-in although you are older than 20 years old

- the custodian has taken you to look at a nice decoration a youth has added to the pew with his pocket knife

- youth has complained to you about parent; parent has complained to you about youth

- your office contains Heroscape, frisbees, a pack of tennis balls, a naked miniature mannequin, basketballs, and 5 articles of clothing left behind (all of these are in my office)

- frosted donettes and milk next to a candlelit cross is one of your all-time highlights

- you get to partner with the highest quality parents and adults and step back and watch tremendous things happen

- you have had the life-changing blessing of watching the Triune God get a hold of a student and completely, utterly, and totally transform him or her into something beautiful and amazing.

One in Every Class 11:52 PM

In a little under two months, I will be able to stick four fancy letters at the end of my name. Jason Brown, M. Div. Not that the students that I minister to necessarily care about my credentials or that those four letters (only two of which get capitalized) will punch my ticket straight to heaven or my son will love me any more, but if I'm honest, I am a tiny bit stoked. While I am not sure that I am truly a "Master of Divinity", twenty two years in the classroom has made me an expert on the classroom - and the people that you encounter there. Here they are - in no particular order.

1.) Answers other students' questions guy
This is the guy that has all the answers. Go ahead, ask away. Often the answer is just a bit off track. A sample conversation:

Student 1: Dr. Lauer, what do you think Jesus means by "repent" in Matthew?
Student 2: Actually, everyone knows the Greek derivative of "repent" roughly translates to the shooting of an arrow. So, if you think about it, if you shoot an arrow at the target, and it misses, you shoot another arrow, and it hits. The arrow repented because it went a different direction.
Dr. Lauer: Actually no....


Personal Story Person: This is the guy who is jumping out of his pants to tell you about his cousin's-friend's-aunt's-mom's dog who can beat all the other dogs in a race despite only having two legs. Every question or comment, therefore, goes back to ths dog. As in, "Dr. Lauer, wouldn't you say that this dog is an example of why we should protect the environment?"


Off-Topic Answerer This guy runs with Personal Story Person but stays away from personal stuff. Instead, he favors bringing up whatever he is thinking about in hopes of turning the class into his personal sounding board.

Dr. Lauer: What is the meaning of "kingdom of God?"
Off Topic Answerer: Dr. Lauer, if I were to defend a kingdom, do you think I should enlist the help of a dragon, a bear, or just hang up a sign that says "beware of dragoon?"

Tommy-Teacher-Topper I am not only smarter than everyone in this class, I am also more intelligent than the Ph.D, many-published scholar standing in front of the classroom who has studied this particular topic for his entire life. This guy usually runs with...

Whisperer-After-Teacher-Talks Guy WATT Guy has a comment for everything, be it approval, rejection, or just a "That's what she said." Usually, the student who is whispered to does not know WATT Guy or care to participate in "That's what she said" shenanigans, yet WATT Guy doesn't pick up the hint, and continues to sshhhh-shhhh-shhhhh-shhh. WATT Guy is known for leaning over.

There are many more classroom types. They include:
Facebooking Guy (check the status updates - very uncomfortable when you realize you are both on at the same time)
Solitaire Guy (known for random squished faces as he tries to find the three of diamonds)
Chat / Text / Instant Message Guy (known for spontaneous outbursts of laughter, varmint!)
Take off the shoes in the middle of class guy (This one is just me - I don't know anyone else who does this).

There is one in every class...:)

Have I forgotten anybody?