In a little under two months, I will be able to stick four fancy letters at the end of my name. Jason Brown, M. Div. Not that the students that I minister to necessarily care about my credentials or that those four letters (only two of which get capitalized) will punch my ticket straight to heaven or my son will love me any more, but if I'm honest, I am a tiny bit stoked. While I am not sure that I am truly a "Master of Divinity", twenty two years in the classroom has made me an expert on the classroom - and the people that you encounter there. Here they are - in no particular order.
1.) Answers other students' questions guy
This is the guy that has all the answers. Go ahead, ask away. Often the answer is just a bit off track. A sample conversation:
Student 1: Dr. Lauer, what do you think Jesus means by "repent" in Matthew?
Student 2: Actually, everyone knows the Greek derivative of "repent" roughly translates to the shooting of an arrow. So, if you think about it, if you shoot an arrow at the target, and it misses, you shoot another arrow, and it hits. The arrow repented because it went a different direction.
Dr. Lauer: Actually no....
Personal Story Person: This is the guy who is jumping out of his pants to tell you about his cousin's-friend's-aunt's-mom's dog who can beat all the other dogs in a race despite only having two legs. Every question or comment, therefore, goes back to ths dog. As in, "Dr. Lauer, wouldn't you say that this dog is an example of why we should protect the environment?"
Off-Topic Answerer This guy runs with Personal Story Person but stays away from personal stuff. Instead, he favors bringing up whatever he is thinking about in hopes of turning the class into his personal sounding board.
Dr. Lauer: What is the meaning of "kingdom of God?"
Off Topic Answerer: Dr. Lauer, if I were to defend a kingdom, do you think I should enlist the help of a dragon, a bear, or just hang up a sign that says "beware of dragoon?"
Tommy-Teacher-Topper I am not only smarter than everyone in this class, I am also more intelligent than the Ph.D, many-published scholar standing in front of the classroom who has studied this particular topic for his entire life. This guy usually runs with...
Whisperer-After-Teacher-Talks Guy WATT Guy has a comment for everything, be it approval, rejection, or just a "That's what she said." Usually, the student who is whispered to does not know WATT Guy or care to participate in "That's what she said" shenanigans, yet WATT Guy doesn't pick up the hint, and continues to sshhhh-shhhh-shhhhh-shhh. WATT Guy is known for leaning over.
There are many more classroom types. They include:
Facebooking Guy (check the status updates - very uncomfortable when you realize you are both on at the same time)
Solitaire Guy (known for random squished faces as he tries to find the three of diamonds)
Chat / Text / Instant Message Guy (known for spontaneous outbursts of laughter, varmint!)
Take off the shoes in the middle of class guy (This one is just me - I don't know anyone else who does this).
There is one in every class...:)
Have I forgotten anybody?
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7 comments:
How about "Falls-asleep-in-class-but-trys-to-pretend-like-he-was-being-attentive-when-he-is-awakened-by-his-forehead-hitting-the-desk guy" ? I mean, I was only in school for 17 years, but I think I remember that guy.
THIS IS A GREAT POST, JASON!!! Really terrific! Well done.
Personal Story Guy is my least favorite. Because the personal stories don't usually tie in with what is actually being discussed. And this guy always TRIES to mask his stories as a valid contribution to the class discussion-- but in reality, we all know he is just trying to find any opportunity to share his personal story, so that we can ooh and ahh at his amazing level of spiritual maturity and knowledge.
You forgot add-on guy. The guy who cannot think of anything intelligent to say, but likes to "add on" to what others have contributed.
"You know, as I think about what you shared I..."
VERY NICE additions! If I had some drawing skills, I would make the art magic happen.
BRILLIANT post, genuinely brillant.
my additions:
Guy who falls asleep and then SNORES:
only the boldest of the brash are able to wade through the awkwardness and give his leg a push to wake him up OR he wakes himself up with the level of snoring
Guy who you might think could actually teach the class because he seems that genius-y:
You can typically find this man or woman in a language class
Guy who checks out his fantasy football/basketball/baseball team during lecture:
Cousin to facebook/myspace guy
Guy who HAS to slip in this gross clause "And the problem with this country is...":
THE WORST
Guy who has to add in what they studied in "undergrad" (they LOVE saying undergrad as opposed to college) or what church they pastored or what job they had:
Usually this is said as a precursor or intro to their comment
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*pic of professor on fc chat*
much love
How About:
Habitually Late, Has to Sit in the Front of the Room and Set Up All His Computer Gear Guy
What about Girl who sits front and center but does not pay attention and actually CLIPS HER FINGER NAILS DURING CLASS!! (True story).
-or-
What about "The Trotter" (Thanks to Brad Johnson for the phrase).
The student who "trots out" a big academic phrase/concept which he obviously just lifted off the professor in his previous class. i.e. "Do you think Paul's comments are based on his understanding of the Assyrian suzerain-vassel treaties?" Like he even knew what a suzerain was before last week.
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