Worth Breaking the Silence 11:51 AM

HT

The church in America is puzzled. Young adults are leaving in droves. Magazines, books and blogs are wagging the finger of blame to point out who is responsible. Some say it is a failure of youth ministry, some point to church budgets and some nail the blame on outdated, unhip worship services. We parents are shocked that our kids just really aren’t all that into Jesus.

When I look for someone to blame I head into the restroom and look into a mirror. Yupp, there he is. I blame him. That parent looking back at me is where I have to start.

If you’re a parent, I’m might tick you off in this post. But, hear me out. I think that we, as parents are guilty of some things that make it easy for our kids to put faith low on their priority list.

Keys to Making Your Kids Apathetic About Faith

1) Put academic pursuits above faith-building activities. Encourage your child to put everything else aside for academic gain. Afterall, when they are 24 and not interested in faith and following Christ, you’ll still be thrilled that they got an A in pre-calculus, right? Instead of teaching them balance, teach them that all else comes second to academics. Quick … who graduated in the top 5 of your high school class? Unless you were one of them, I bet you have no idea. I don’t.

2) Chase the gold ball first and foremost. Afterall, your child is a star. Drive 400 miles so your child can play hockey but refuse to take them to a home group bible study because it’s 20 minutes away.

2b) Buy into the “select,” “elite,” “premier” titles for leagues that play outside of the school season and take pride in your kid wearing the label. Hey now, he’s an All-Star! No one would pay $1000 for their kid to join, “Bunch-of-kids-paying-to-play Team.” But, “Elite?!?” Boy, howdy! That’s the big time!

2c) Believe the school coach who tells you that your kid won’t play if he doesn’t play in the offseason. The truth is, if your kid really is a star, he could go to Disney for the first week of the season and come back and start for his school team. The determined coach might make him sit a whole game to teach him a lesson. But, trust me, if Julie can shoot the rock for 20 points a game, she’s in the lineup. I remember a stellar soccer athlete who played with my son in high school. Chris missed the entire preseason because of winning a national baseball championship. With no workouts, no double sessions, his first day back with the soccer team, he started and scored two goals. Several hard-working “premier” players sat on the bench and watched him do it. (Chris never played soccer outside the school season but was a perpetual district all-star selection.) The hard reality is, if your kid is not a star, an average of 3 new stars a year will play varsity as freshmen. That means there’s always 12 kids who are the top prospects. Swallow hard and encourage your kid to improve but be careful what you sacrifice to make him a star at little Podunk High here in Maine.

2d) By the way, just because your kid got a letter inviting him to attend a baseball camp in West Virginia does not mean he is being recruited. You’ll know when recruiting happens. Coaches start calling as regularly as telemarketers, they send your kid handwritten notes and they often bypass you to talk to your kid. A letter with a printed label from an athletic department is not recruitment. When a coach shows up to watch your kid play and then talks to you and your kid, that’s recruiting.

3) Teach your kid that the dollar is almighty. I see it all the time. Faith activities fly out the window when students say, “I’d like to, but I have to work.” Parents think jobs teach responsibility when, in reality, most students are merely accumulating wealth to buy the things they want. Our kids learn that faith activities should be put aside for the “responsibility” of holding a job. They will never again get to spend 100% of their paychecks on the stuff they want.

3b) Make them pay outright for faith activities like youth retreats and faith community activities while you support their sports, music, drama and endeavors with checks for camps and “select” groups and expensive equipment. This sends a loud and clear message of what you really want to see them involved in and what you value most. Complain loudly about how expensive a three-day youth event is but then don’t bat an eye when you pay four times that for a three-day sports camp.

4) Refuse to acknowledge that the primary motivating force in kids’ lives is relationship. Connections with others is what drives kids to be involved. It’s the reason that peer pressure is such a big deal in adolescence. Sending kids to bible classes and lectures is almost entirely ineffective apart from relationship and friendships that help them process what they learn. As kids share faith experiences like retreats, mission trips and student ministry fun, they build common bonds with one another that work as a glue to Christian community. In fact, a strong argument can be made that faith is designed to be lived in community with other believers. By doing all you can to keep your kids from experiencing the bonds of love in a Christian community, you help insure that they can easily walk away without feeling like they are missing anything. Kids build friendships with the kids they spend time with.

5) Model apathy in your own life. If following Jesus is only about sitting in a church service once a week and going to meetings, young adults opt out. Teenagers and young adults are looking for things that are worth their time. Authentic, genuine, relevant relationships where people are growing in relationship with Jesus is appealing. Meaningless duty and ritual holds no attraction.

There are no guarantees that your children will follow Christ even if you have a vibrant, purposeful relationship with Him. But, on the other hand, if we, as parents do not do all we can to help our children develop meaningful relationships in Jesus, we miss a major opportunity to lead them and show them the path worth walking.

I want my kids to see that their dad follows Jesus with everything. I want them to know that my greatest hope for them is that they follow Him too.

Mt. 6:33 Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. (The Message)

Big Brotherhood 7:26 PM

Stockton is adjusting well to being a big brother.

Album of the Year 5:12 PM

My Girl 9:12 PM

Boys beware.

Labor Day 10:43 PM

I had an appointment to meet my daughter (my daughter?!) today, but she decided to hang out (literally - it looks like Dana is attempting to steal a fitness orb). Baby girl's hanging out may mean her personality more matches her dad's. Stockton came 2 weeks early and is very clear in his desires and instructions. (I will let you make the connection:) ).

She will come soon, and there will be the same anxious-nervous-excited-sleepless smoothie that comes with newborns. We will tiptoe around the house to let her sleep, make sure everyone has washed their hands before touching her, and keep plenty of wipes handy for the baby-girl-blowout. We will help Stockton make the fourth major transition in a less than three months (potty, big boy bed, glasses, baby sister), and we will be exhausted.

I hope she comes on Easter.

Spectacles 9:11 PM

Dana's baby blues are unbelievable. I prayed hard that Stockton would inherit the stone-cold stunners and, for the most part, he did....except the part he uses to see. Specifically, the corneas are quality, but the lenses are lame.

We discovered this two weeks ago when his right eye began to periodically look inward. Forty-eight nerve-racking hours later, Stockton saw an ophthalmologist who diagnosed him with the Google-inducing condition of accomodative esotropia. Spell check is telling me there is no such thing, and three weeks ago I would have believed it, but a heartbreaking scene where Stockton struggled to see convinced me.

The good news: Stockton loves his glasses, getting upset when we have to "put them to sleep" for bedtime or take them off for a bath. His eye seems to be crossing less, and his sky-blue glasses are kind of cool. His words to one of his teachers: "These are my glasses. They help me see."

A Father's Confessions 10:13 PM

After my boy goes to sleep, there is a void in my house and heart. There are no heavy feet "hopping", no fat cheeks to kiss, no little stout torso to tackle you when you aren't looking, and no sweet voice calling out a favorite Thomas the Tank Engine (Toby, which sounds more like "Oby!").

Sometimes, the hole in my heart is too much, so I tiptoe around the "choo-choos", put my chin on his crib, and gaze at my no-longer-baby boy. He lays there with stretched-neck under-stuffed kitty in one hand, Toby in the other, blanket ("hanket"), stuffed basketball ("beebaw!"), and Elmo ("Melmo") all kicked to the side.

I wonder how often my Father tiptoes around my toys and puts his chin on the side of my bed?

In about ten hours, we will be awakened by some combination of "My Mommy!" "My Daddy!" "Out!" and "Poo Poo!" I will go to him, place my hands under his outstretched arms and say, "Good Morning, my son."

High Five 10:43 PM

What are the moments that changed everything? The things that, when you relate them in story are preceded by an ominous “and then it happened.” The happenings that don’t hit your plan off course but rebound a new one into existence. What are the flashbang moments that caste everything in back-lit relief?

If you could shave the whole of your experience to a flash-bulb beginning – what would it be? Not the birth of a child, or the passion-underscored conception of it, but the fleeting first glance, the hesitant first kiss, or the initial dawning of daydreaming love.

Mine would be this: a sticky summer night where flag-football practice gave way to the blue-eyed brunette on the sidelines. My friend Dustin called the brunette for himself, and I nodded with zero intention of agreeing. She was mine. Several months later, in a dorm room kitchen over creamy EZ-Mac, I told that brunette that I was falling in love with her. Four years later, on the banks of the Ohio River, I slipped a ring on her finger and told her that I would love her forever. Five years later, I love her more than I did then. My life is cast with a Dana backdrop that enhances and improves each part of it. I would have it no other way.

Feline Freakout 10:15 AM

I have been meaning to upload this for a while. It happened a little over a month ago. It's crazy to see his development even since then. While outside, Stockton sees a cat and we chase it. Luckily, it rests on our porch and Stockton gets the thrill of his young life.

Stockton's Many Moves 10:30 PM

I love this little boy. There is no substitute for squirting each other with plastic animals while he's taking a bath or running around the house screaming and growling like a lion. Stockton has trooped through a couple of ear infections (or one super stubborn one) and it seems like he demonstrates a new ability every day. His latest (and funniest) exploits involve his new favorite thing - animals. He growls like a lion, moos like a cow, howls like a wolf, puckers like a fish, laps water like a cat, barks like a dog, and (my favorite) moves his elbows-out-arms while hooting like a monkey. This picture caught him mid-monkey. He likes to laugh, dance, kissy-face, repeat our words, be chased, drink bathwater, show you his belly, and is developing a severe independent streak. He does not like waking up, the word "no", or strangers (unless they are blond women - see number three on the "like" list.) Just today, he attempted to dribble a ball when I said "dribble."

I would not trade him for ten Utah Jazz championships.

And baby makes three...part duex 12:53 PM

And we’re back….following never-the-same-November…

I am no more than five feet away from a massive crib that is holding my less than massive baby boy. Less than massive, however, does not mean less than stellar.

Just over two weeks ago, following 38 hours (?!?) of labor (I didn’t know it went that long!) Stockton Isaiah came into the world. After a splashdown, screaming, and squirming on his mom’s chest, Stockton scoped Dana and was immediately soothed.

I have soooo much to tell you….but I’m sooo tired…. Here’s some quick hitters before Stockton needs a diaper change.

- I’ve had this conversation no less than 74 times.

o “What a cute baby! What’s his name?”

o “Stockton”

o “Stockton…hmmm…is that a family name?”

o “No actually, it’s the name of my favorite NBA player.”

§ (I tend to leave out everything that John Stockton stood for)

o “Oh…that’s nice.”

- Stockton is named after John Stockton, but “Stockton Isaiah” means something even more awesome than that. “Stockton” = “firm foundation in”; “Isaiah” means “salvation of the Lord”. Put them together and you’ve got “firm foundation in the salvation of the Lord” For comparisons sake, Dana’s name (Dana Marie) means “bitter man from Denmark”

- Stockton does not like having his diaper changed, but doesn’t mind peeing in his own face.

- Stockton likes to sleep ALL day….and ROCK AND ROLL ALLLLL NIIIIIGHT!

- Stockton is a diaper diva – he refuses to reuse an already dirty diaper and instead waits on you to change it to he can use the clean diaper.

- There is nothing like walking into your room and seeing your beautiful sleeping wife holding your beautiful sleeping son. Over like grover….

- Diaper rash cream must be cold...really cold. Stockton puckers his butt every time you put it on him.

I’m out like a soiled wipe…