King Quote 10:59 PM

In the twilight of their careers (if there ever was such a thing), Stockton and Malone's coming-down-mountain Jazz met the trekking-up-the-hill Sacramento Kings in several epic battles. The comparative color schemes contrasted with the on-court style - chest-passing Stockton against no-looking turnover "White Chocolate" Jason Williams; "Crybaby" (my nickname) Chris Webber vs. Stoic Karl Malone; White and Pasty Greg Ostertag vs. "The Terrorist" (FBI search warning!) Vlade Divac. Divac in particular had mastered drawing the offensive foul and looking like every bad guy in every single 80s military themed movie. "Pack a Day" Divac always looked like he had just wired explosives to a bus and demanded 5 million dollars.

But underneath the permanent five o'clock shadow, Divac is a class act. With regards to never winning a championship (like Stockton and Malone), Divac said this.

"People here [in America] are making a big deal about ring or no ring. I was playing against the Lakers and I remember someone [in the crowd] shouted, 'How many rings you got?' I told him one. He looked at me [funny], so I said, 'I got one in '89 when I got married, I got a ring from my wife.' That's the most important thing."

My next child will still not be named "Vlade."

A Father's Confessions 10:13 PM

After my boy goes to sleep, there is a void in my house and heart. There are no heavy feet "hopping", no fat cheeks to kiss, no little stout torso to tackle you when you aren't looking, and no sweet voice calling out a favorite Thomas the Tank Engine (Toby, which sounds more like "Oby!").

Sometimes, the hole in my heart is too much, so I tiptoe around the "choo-choos", put my chin on his crib, and gaze at my no-longer-baby boy. He lays there with stretched-neck under-stuffed kitty in one hand, Toby in the other, blanket ("hanket"), stuffed basketball ("beebaw!"), and Elmo ("Melmo") all kicked to the side.

I wonder how often my Father tiptoes around my toys and puts his chin on the side of my bed?

In about ten hours, we will be awakened by some combination of "My Mommy!" "My Daddy!" "Out!" and "Poo Poo!" I will go to him, place my hands under his outstretched arms and say, "Good Morning, my son."

Necessary Reform 8:56 PM

There is a crisis in this nation.

If left unchecked, this crisis threatens to obliterate the very foundation of our existence. There can be no compromise. Rather, we must stand steadfast and demand the following reforms as if our lives and legacy depended on them...because they do.

I am talking of Waiting Room Reform.

The Waiting Room does not discriminate between right, left, man, woman, black, white, Christian, or pagan. It is a black hole of brimstone with a two-month old Good Housekeeping orbiting a galaxy of airborne assassins. There can be no rest until the following reforms are implemented - deficit or not!

1) Each waiting room shall have a variety of selection of magazines. I am not interested in how Kirstie Alley got her bikini body back, nor do I plan on expending the time or the attention necessary to keep up with the Mating Habits of Amazonian Monkeys. Further, the ten minute tuna casserole is of no interest to me. Waiting Rooms should contain magazines for all genders and interest...let's say, Time, Sports Illustrated, Entertainment Weekly, and People. Good Housekeeping (which has hitherto had a monopoly on waiting rooms) is permanently banned. Money spent on the fish tank can be better spent in magazine subscriptions.

2) Each waiting room shall have up to date magazines. Time capsules belong in the ground and in the back of yearbooks.

3) Each chair shall not share armrests. I understand that patient privacy laws prevent me from determining what is wrong with the person whose arm is rubbing against mine. Rubbing arms is the front line in defending disease.

4) Each chair shall contain mandatory sanitary dispensers that spray like the produce at Kroger. Constant freshness and sanitary-ness.

5) Prevent particular television shows. What did waiting rooms show prior to The View? Daytime television (I am looking at you too, Arthur) is banned from waiting room television sets. The Price is Right is the only exception. Waiting rooms must only show movies that one would stop and watch if you catch them while flipping through channels. These movies include anything that is a trilogy, anything by Pixar, and anything with Tom Cruise. Saved by the Bell is also acceptable.

6) People are slotted in seats based on sickness. I love Jesus, I want to love people like Jesus loves me, but I do not want to sit next to someone who is throwing up. Thus, there should be the following color-coded sections in each doctor's office waiting room. 1. cold / respiratory issues 2. diarrhea 3. vomiting 4. unknown / multiple systems. Someone will have to help me choose the colors...I am color blind.

I will continue to pay 25% of my salary for health insurance only if these bi-partisan reforms are implemented.