At long last....the 2008 Jaybees

No lame jokes (maybe a few), no political statements, no drunk presenters, no teleprompter readings, just an honest look back on the year that was. Enjoy glistening golden "J"s. Keep your acceptance speeches short.

Proudest Moment – At the Kentuckians For the Commonwealth Annual Convention, my She-Ra won not one, but two awards. The entire weekend was bathed in “So you’re Dana’s husband!” Yes I was. Honorable mention: every time I go anywhere in public with the little stud. Except the time the Mom’s Day Out teachers told me he was trying to kiss all of the girls in the class. Second Honorable Mention: Standing in line with Stockton to vote.

Most “Oh Jesus, you’re going to have to help me moment” – Middle of October, in a Paducah, KY emergency room with Dana and a feverish baby boy. The nurse attempting to take an x-ray was torturing Stockton by holding him down and holding “Kitty” (Stockton’s Kitty = Linus’ blanket) juuuuuuuust out of reach while Stockton screamed. Touch of pneumonia in his lungs, touch of breaking in my heart, and more than a touch of helplessness in my soul.

Best Book (Seminary) – Oden’s Systematic Theology (recycled from Dr. Coppedge’s Basic Christian Doctrine class.

Best Book (non-Seminary) – All the King’s Men by Robert Penn Warren. The idealist clashes with the pragmatist…sounds somewhat like my marriage.

Most Embarrassing Moment– Wilmore, KY, the Aja’s kitchen. Stockton has done what Stockton does a lot – pooped in his diaper. For reasons unbeknownst to the human mind, Dana stands Stockton up THEN takes the diaper off. Unfortunately, this soupy poopy flowed like a river, deep and wide, all over the Aja linoleum.

Most Surprising Moment – The ninjas / waiters at El Mazatlan sneaking up behind me, then slamming my face with a suffocating amount of whipped cream / ice cream / cinnamon / honey. This is the way I want to die.

Best New Discovery – The power of a baby’s mind. From rasberrying lips to tickling bellies, Stockton attempts to do everything I do. Dana has taught him sign language – I have taught him to pull up people’s shirts and tickle / raspberry. If you lay on the floor, he’ll flash a two-toothed mischief marker and raspberry you.

Best Re-Discovery – The Lectionary.

Best New Skill – Learning Final Cut Pro.

Friend(s) of the Year Award – At the beginning of the year, I made up for three relatively non-sick years with a month-eliminating crud that reduced me to Dana-calling whimper. John David must have thought that I was faking it in order to skip youth – but he filled in faithfully each night. Also, Dana called him to hang stuff up in the house and generally be manlier than I. I won’t tell anyone you watch Gossip Girl, John David, please come forward and accept your Jaybee.

YouTube Video of the Year – Not even close. This one is responsible for a near revolution at church and dissolution of my marriage.

God-Moment of the Year – Saturday night, Senior High Retreat, circled with friends, proclaiming God’s freedom / salvation

Funniest Moment – A day in the church office is marked by time of prayer, thoughtful reflection, quiet, and general seeking of the Holy Spirit…and the occasional prank. I convinced the children’s minister that Hugh Jas was interested in knowing more about the children’s program. He repeated the name several times before realizing that Mr. Jas never spoke to him.

Best Community Building Moment – Six Schrutes, sans babies, sitting hip-to-hip soaking up life on Nicholasville Road and at the Melting Pot. 30 minutes of full body laughter, 30 minutes of waiting for a table, 5 minutes of worrying what Dana was going to do to the manager, 60 minutes of chocolate-soaked quality.

Quote of the Year – On youth ministers: "We are sentries standing, praying and pointing the way, protecting where we can and pushing where we must in the direction that God calls them to go." - Tony Akers Honorable Mention: "No we're not gonna do Stonehenge tonight!" - Spinal Tap