Dana and I just returned from our first "Bradley" class. It is a natural birthing process that emphasizes relaxation techniques to control pain over against drugs. It was intentionally educating and unintentionally hilarious.
- I was the only guy in a room of three woman, two of them pregnant and the other pregnant with knowledge. Have you ever talked about hemorrhoids with three women?
- The leader passed around questions for each of us to "talk" through. My question: How do I feel about an episiotomy? (An episiotomy is a procedure by which the perineum, the skin between the vagina and anus, is cut for a variety of reasons.)
- Actual conversation:
Leader: "I didn't think they made bra sizes beyond DD, but when I got to looking, they go all the way to J"
Other pregnant lady: "Oh they go beyond J"
- Actual conversation:
Leader: "There is a sack that surrounds the baby in utero. Sometimes the baby is born in the sack."
Me: "Really?"
Leader: "Oh yeah."
Other pregnant lady: "My cousin (or some relative) was born like that. I could bring some pictures next time if you want to see what it looks like."
Me: "Umm....no thanks."
I'm off to go do my Kegel exercises...
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9 comments:
You better start asking the right questions like "How bout an epidural!?"
Breathing exercises didn't work for us during Maddi's birth. Once the head crowned I went down there and didn't return to assist with the breathing. The nurse had to do it. Her name was Penny and she had a large comforting chest that Debbi laid her head on (Debbi's words, not mine). Debbi left me and the Doc to do the catching. What an amazing sight that was.
I am not sure that I will make it "down there" unless you mean the floor after I pass out.
Umm, I am officially disturbed!
lindsay,
I spent 3 hours being disturbed!
I snorted. Outloud. More than once.
An important footnote Jason forgot to mention: After our very interesting first class in which we learned lots of umm..."life altering" info such as "a dozen reasons to eat eggs" and "the proper position to poop in to avoid hemorrhoids," Jason has eaten an average of two eggs a day and now poops with his legs elevated. So don't let him fool you. He is a much better student than I!
He is also the greatest husband in the world, for he has faithfully coached me every night in the art of relaxation even though he feels like a big nerd while doing so. His sacrifices to make this birth happen as naturally as possible are far greater than mine have been. Well, so far anyway. I am not on the labor bed yet!
Jason, I love you more today than I did yesterday and I can't wait to see what you do next week after our class. Life is never dull with you around. Thank you for making me laugh everyday.
all of that kindness does not make up for the fact that you just shared with the world (or the six people that read this) how I dump...for the love
Okay, you guys are ridiculous. I just LOVE the two of you.
And Jason, I'm with Lindsay. Disturbed. I definitely will NOT be rereading this post. Ever.
Holy crap, Jason, can I trust you to change to subject matter of your blogging from now on? Yikes! You and Josh Leroy are sounding similar these days.
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