Threat Level Midnight

Worth Breaking the Silence

2010-09-22T11:51:00.003-04:00

HT

The church in America is puzzled. Young adults are leaving in droves. Magazines, books and blogs are wagging the finger of blame to point out who is responsible. Some say it is a failure of youth ministry, some point to church budgets and some nail the blame on outdated, unhip worship services. We parents are shocked that our kids just really aren’t all that into Jesus.

When I look for someone to blame I head into the restroom and look into a mirror. Yupp, there he is. I blame him. That parent looking back at me is where I have to start.

If you’re a parent, I’m might tick you off in this post. But, hear me out. I think that we, as parents are guilty of some things that make it easy for our kids to put faith low on their priority list.

Keys to Making Your Kids Apathetic About Faith

1) Put academic pursuits above faith-building activities. Encourage your child to put everything else aside for academic gain. Afterall, when they are 24 and not interested in faith and following Christ, you’ll still be thrilled that they got an A in pre-calculus, right? Instead of teaching them balance, teach them that all else comes second to academics. Quick … who graduated in the top 5 of your high school class? Unless you were one of them, I bet you have no idea. I don’t.

2) Chase the gold ball first and foremost. Afterall, your child is a star. Drive 400 miles so your child can play hockey but refuse to take them to a home group bible study because it’s 20 minutes away.

2b) Buy into the “select,” “elite,” “premier” titles for leagues that play outside of the school season and take pride in your kid wearing the label. Hey now, he’s an All-Star! No one would pay $1000 for their kid to join, “Bunch-of-kids-paying-to-play Team.” But, “Elite?!?” Boy, howdy! That’s the big time!

2c) Believe the school coach who tells you that your kid won’t play if he doesn’t play in the offseason. The truth is, if your kid really is a star, he could go to Disney for the first week of the season and come back and start for his school team. The determined coach might make him sit a whole game to teach him a lesson. But, trust me, if Julie can shoot the rock for 20 points a game, she’s in the lineup. I remember a stellar soccer athlete who played with my son in high school. Chris missed the entire preseason because of winning a national baseball championship. With no workouts, no double sessions, his first day back with the soccer team, he started and scored two goals. Several hard-working “premier” players sat on the bench and watched him do it. (Chris never played soccer outside the school season but was a perpetual district all-star selection.) The hard reality is, if your kid is not a star, an average of 3 new stars a year will play varsity as freshmen. That means there’s always 12 kids who are the top prospects. Swallow hard and encourage your kid to improve but be careful what you sacrifice to make him a star at little Podunk High here in Maine.

2d) By the way, just because your kid got a letter inviting him to attend a baseball camp in West Virginia does not mean he is being recruited. You’ll know when recruiting happens. Coaches start calling as regularly as telemarketers, they send your kid handwritten notes and they often bypass you to talk to your kid. A letter with a printed label from an athletic department is not recruitment. When a coach shows up to watch your kid play and then talks to you and your kid, that’s recruiting.

3) Teach your kid that the dollar is almighty. I see it all the time. Faith activities fly out the window when students say, “I’d like to, but I have to work.” Parents think jobs teach responsibility when, in reality, most students are merely accumulating wealth to buy the things they want. Our kids learn that faith activities should be put aside for the “responsibility” of holding a job. They will never again get to spend 100% of their paychecks on the stuff they want.

3b) Make them pay outright for faith activities like youth retreats and faith community activities while you support their sports, music, drama and endeavors with checks for camps and “select” groups and expensive equipment. This sends a loud and clear message of what you really want to see them involved in and what you value most. Complain loudly about how expensive a three-day youth event is but then don’t bat an eye when you pay four times that for a three-day sports camp.

4) Refuse to acknowledge that the primary motivating force in kids’ lives is relationship. Connections with others is what drives kids to be involved. It’s the reason that peer pressure is such a big deal in adolescence. Sending kids to bible classes and lectures is almost entirely ineffective apart from relationship and friendships that help them process what they learn. As kids share faith experiences like retreats, mission trips and student ministry fun, they build common bonds with one another that work as a glue to Christian community. In fact, a strong argument can be made that faith is designed to be lived in community with other believers. By doing all you can to keep your kids from experiencing the bonds of love in a Christian community, you help insure that they can easily walk away without feeling like they are missing anything. Kids build friendships with the kids they spend time with.

5) Model apathy in your own life. If following Jesus is only about sitting in a church service once a week and going to meetings, young adults opt out. Teenagers and young adults are looking for things that are worth their time. Authentic, genuine, relevant relationships where people are growing in relationship with Jesus is appealing. Meaningless duty and ritual holds no attraction.

There are no guarantees that your children will follow Christ even if you have a vibrant, purposeful relationship with Him. But, on the other hand, if we, as parents do not do all we can to help our children develop meaningful relationships in Jesus, we miss a major opportunity to lead them and show them the path worth walking.

I want my kids to see that their dad follows Jesus with everything. I want them to know that my greatest hope for them is that they follow Him too.

Mt. 6:33 Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. (The Message)

Big Brotherhood

2010-04-16T19:26:00.003-04:00

Stockton is adjusting well to being a big brother.

My Hero

2010-04-15T12:26:00.003-04:00

The Utah Jazz recently honored their former, now-deceased, owner. John Stockton had this to say.

Nothing earth-shaking or mind-blowing, just good to see and hear my hero again. Looks like he is finally starting to age. I should make my move to stalk...er...see him soon.

Album of the Year

2010-04-14T17:12:00.006-04:00

My Girl

2010-04-12T21:12:00.004-04:00

Boys beware.

Labor Day

2010-04-01T22:43:00.003-04:00

I had an appointment to meet my daughter (my daughter?!) today, but she decided to hang out (literally - it looks like Dana is attempting to steal a fitness orb). Baby girl's hanging out may mean her personality more matches her dad's. Stockton came 2 weeks early and is very clear in his desires and instructions. (I will let you make the connection:) ).

She will come soon, and there will be the same anxious-nervous-excited-sleepless smoothie that comes with newborns. We will tiptoe around the house to let her sleep, make sure everyone has washed their hands before touching her, and keep plenty of wipes handy for the baby-girl-blowout. We will help Stockton make the fourth major transition in a less than three months (potty, big boy bed, glasses, baby sister), and we will be exhausted.

I hope she comes on Easter.

Spectacles

2010-03-25T21:11:00.002-04:00

Dana's baby blues are unbelievable. I prayed hard that Stockton would inherit the stone-cold stunners and, for the most part, he did....except the part he uses to see. Specifically, the corneas are quality, but the lenses are lame.

We discovered this two weeks ago when his right eye began to periodically look inward. Forty-eight nerve-racking hours later, Stockton saw an ophthalmologist who diagnosed him with the Google-inducing condition of accomodative esotropia. Spell check is telling me there is no such thing, and three weeks ago I would have believed it, but a heartbreaking scene where Stockton struggled to see convinced me.

The good news: Stockton loves his glasses, getting upset when we have to "put them to sleep" for bedtime or take them off for a bath. His eye seems to be crossing less, and his sky-blue glasses are kind of cool. His words to one of his teachers: "These are my glasses. They help me see."

How to Make Money in Your Spare Time

2010-03-17T14:28:00.003-04:00

I've discovered fatherhood can be expensive. I need to read this book.

Father / Daughter Day

2010-02-28T00:50:00.001-05:00

For the second weekend this year, I served as referee of several Upward basketball games.

I know I missed several calls today.

A man towered over the baseline. I could not take my eyes off of him. He was demonstrative, sometimes overly so, and his muted-histrionics focused on one particular girl. His daughter.

The demonstrations were not ones of anger or disgust or frustration. Each movement was punctuated with a smile and either a palms-down push, (pre-tainted) Tiger Woods fist pump, or the classic coach double clap.

But the man was not a coach – he was just a father. A father who caught his daughter’s eye with every trip down the court and directed her where to go and what to do – through sign language.

I recently saw Babel, which tells the story of six interlocked characters from across the globe. One of the characters is a deaf girl, and one of the most jarring scenes is her going to a nightclub; able to see the lights and the moving people, but unable to hear the rhythm they are bouncing to.

Unable to hear the coach, the other girls, or even the referees, the girl looked to her father. The father wholly and lovingly obliged, never missing a chance to encourage. Without saying a word, he loved her.

I hope when my baby girl gets here, she sees me running the baseline, catching her eye, encouraging her, and painting for her a picture of kingdom-love without uttering a syllable. I hope I learn to speak her language.

(I also hope she plays basketball.)

Canada's Last Laugh

2010-02-26T10:58:00.004-05:00

Taken after Canada's Olympic preliminary loss to the United States.

Pictured: Harsh reality.

Lenten Learning

2010-02-24T13:26:00.001-05:00

For a week now, I have been without the upholder of un-unproductivity, Facebook. Prior to Lent, I was challenged by a few of my students who decided to give up Facebook for Lent. I took on the challenge and spread it around my group – and there are 30 of us leaving out logging in for 40 days.

There has been, however, a disconnect from the purpose of disconnecting. The tension between wallowing in destruction (woe is me, I miss my friends, I wish I could make this my status) and allowing for re-construction (how can I use this time wisely) is ever-present.

The discovery has been in this tension in my own life. Am I de-constructing or re-constructing? Living into cynicism or creativity? Hate or hope?

Sweet Music

2010-02-05T11:34:00.002-05:00

The first rule of streaks: you don't talk about streaks! At the risk of messing up the mojo, the following presentation is a Utah Jazz work of art. Why do I watch the NBA? Why do I like the Jazz? I submit exhibits "a" and "b".

Pink'd

2010-02-01T21:44:00.005-05:00

There is a uniqueness in youth ministry. The ability to walk the line between adult and youth, to speak with and be heard by both groups. Also, the ability to hold multiple cell phones in your pockets, and remember to return them to their respective owners.

The most unique element of youth ministry? Pranks. Pranks that walk the line between "big enough so you notice" but "small enough so you still love them at the end." After much trash talk, some of my senior high girls have perpetrated the prank to top all pranks - painting some of my office PINK.

They kindly posted the evidence on Facebook.

The bottom picture represents what my desk usually looks like (minus the large purse). My friends were kind enough to put everything back the way it was. They were also kind enough to paint the wall a shade that I struggle with. Thus, the wall looks gray - and therefore great - to me.

Thrill-Gotten Gaines

2010-01-15T22:01:00.002-05:00

An un-drafted rookie, signed to a 10-day contract (NBA lingo for "fill-in for our injured better player") puts a nylon nightcap on the Cavaliers / Jazz game. The Jazz have largely been a turn-off this season, but this is worth your four minutes.

Stocky Snow Day

2010-01-08T10:58:00.005-05:00

Here's my boy. Sadly, the picture of our foot-high snowman was a victim of the frigid, frosty lens.

A 10 for creativity...

2010-01-07T20:17:00.002-05:00

A zero for everything else.

Perfect 10

2010-01-04T23:11:00.003-05:00

“The Nils”, “The Aughts”, or the Two-Thousand-Zero-Zeroes. The beginning of the decade found me at a low-key gathering with high school friends, trying to determine whether to simply take someone’s keys or trust their promise not to drive. The end found me curled under the comforter with a pregnant-with-baby-number-two wife. The single digits started with seven friends trying to squeeze the magic out of six more months and ended with a completely different kind of magic sleeping in the adjoining room (and kicking in the womb.

The Nils were more concrete slab than jungle gym – setting the foundation for (without hyperbole I think) the rest of my life. The double-O’s contained not just college and seminary, but wife and child(ren); not just bachelors, but masters; not just job, but calling; not just status quo but status whoa (ladies and gentlemen, the lamest pun in history).

Looking back, the decade is a dunk-from-the-free-throw-line ten. Observe the same massive leap in pictures.

Then:

Now:

28 Bendables - Collect Them All!

2009-12-18T21:21:00.003-05:00

Garrison Keillor recently said, "I think the first and strongest stories you have to tell are stories that happened to you before you were 12 years old." (HT)

Here I stand, nearing 30 (28 two weeks ago!) wondering what were the strongest shape-makers of my story. Sometimes unwillingly, I retraced my formative years to discover the forms that forged my function. Here now, is the list. I tried to be as general and impersonal as possible - focusing on things that, to some degree, affected each of my millennial brethren as we groped through K - 12 together. (Admittedly, my man crush on Tom Cruise seemed to be limited to me.) I hope to go back and be more specific soon. For now, this list (in no particular order) will suffice.

1. G.I. Joe
2. Saved by the Bell
3. Big-Brother-hood
4. Early 90s Nickelodeon
5. National Enquirer
6. Neighborhood basketball goal
7. The Cul-de-sac ditch
8. latch-key kingdom
9. home video game systems
10. internet
11. Columbine
12. Bill Clinton
13. OJ Simpson trial
14. Arcades
15. Boy Bands
16. LA Riots
17. Napster
18. Beavis and Butthead
19. Professional Wrestling
20. Comic Books
21. Encyclopedia Brown
22. Kickball / dodgeball
23. Unsolved Mysteries
24. Kentucky
25. Tom Cruise
26. RC Cola
27. Anti-heroes
28. Louisville's South End

More later.

The Awkward Convo

2009-12-10T21:33:00.004-05:00

A conversation I would have if I awkwardly encountered my ignored blog in the organic aisle of Kroger.

Hey. I haven’t been ignoring you, I promise. I’ve been head-spinning, pants-wetting busy. I still love you. My friends will tell you that I haven’t called them either. My mom and dad will DEFINITELY tell you that I haven’t called.

For 6 straight weekends spread across October and November, I was out of town. Yes, I could have called. I could have written. I could have told you about the amazing Junior and Senior High Retreat, perma-frost football, Glee-king out with my favorite new show, about falling more in love with my boy, the high quality books I’ve been reading, my thoughts in inching closer to 30, or (most recently) my time with one of my youth ministry heroes.

But Dana has been sick (for like a month) with fatigue-inducing sinus infection on top of a fatigue-inducing (but tremendously handsome, awesome, and excited about “kissmas”) little boy.

So, at the risk of sounding lame…I’ll be back. .

King Quote

2009-09-24T22:59:00.006-04:00

In the twilight of their careers (if there ever was such a thing), Stockton and Malone's coming-down-mountain Jazz met the trekking-up-the-hill Sacramento Kings in several epic battles. The comparative color schemes contrasted with the on-court style - chest-passing Stockton against no-looking turnover "White Chocolate" Jason Williams; "Crybaby" (my nickname) Chris Webber vs. Stoic Karl Malone; White and Pasty Greg Ostertag vs. "The Terrorist" (FBI search warning!) Vlade Divac. Divac in particular had mastered drawing the offensive foul and looking like every bad guy in every single 80s military themed movie. "Pack a Day" Divac always looked like he had just wired explosives to a bus and demanded 5 million dollars.

But underneath the permanent five o'clock shadow, Divac is a class act. With regards to never winning a championship (like Stockton and Malone), Divac said this.

"People here [in America] are making a big deal about ring or no ring. I was playing against the Lakers and I remember someone [in the crowd] shouted, 'How many rings you got?' I told him one. He looked at me [funny], so I said, 'I got one in '89 when I got married, I got a ring from my wife.' That's the most important thing."

My next child will still not be named "Vlade."

A Father's Confessions

2009-09-22T22:13:00.004-04:00

After my boy goes to sleep, there is a void in my house and heart. There are no heavy feet "hopping", no fat cheeks to kiss, no little stout torso to tackle you when you aren't looking, and no sweet voice calling out a favorite Thomas the Tank Engine (Toby, which sounds more like "Oby!").

Sometimes, the hole in my heart is too much, so I tiptoe around the "choo-choos", put my chin on his crib, and gaze at my no-longer-baby boy. He lays there with stretched-neck under-stuffed kitty in one hand, Toby in the other, blanket ("hanket"), stuffed basketball ("beebaw!"), and Elmo ("Melmo") all kicked to the side.

I wonder how often my Father tiptoes around my toys and puts his chin on the side of my bed?

In about ten hours, we will be awakened by some combination of "My Mommy!" "My Daddy!" "Out!" and "Poo Poo!" I will go to him, place my hands under his outstretched arms and say, "Good Morning, my son."

Necessary Reform

2009-09-12T20:56:00.006-04:00

There is a crisis in this nation.

If left unchecked, this crisis threatens to obliterate the very foundation of our existence. There can be no compromise. Rather, we must stand steadfast and demand the following reforms as if our lives and legacy depended on them...because they do.

I am talking of Waiting Room Reform.

The Waiting Room does not discriminate between right, left, man, woman, black, white, Christian, or pagan. It is a black hole of brimstone with a two-month old Good Housekeeping orbiting a galaxy of airborne assassins. There can be no rest until the following reforms are implemented - deficit or not!

1) Each waiting room shall have a variety of selection of magazines. I am not interested in how Kirstie Alley got her bikini body back, nor do I plan on expending the time or the attention necessary to keep up with the Mating Habits of Amazonian Monkeys. Further, the ten minute tuna casserole is of no interest to me. Waiting Rooms should contain magazines for all genders and interest...let's say, Time, Sports Illustrated, Entertainment Weekly, and People. Good Housekeeping (which has hitherto had a monopoly on waiting rooms) is permanently banned. Money spent on the fish tank can be better spent in magazine subscriptions.

2) Each waiting room shall have up to date magazines. Time capsules belong in the ground and in the back of yearbooks.

3) Each chair shall not share armrests. I understand that patient privacy laws prevent me from determining what is wrong with the person whose arm is rubbing against mine. Rubbing arms is the front line in defending disease.

4) Each chair shall contain mandatory sanitary dispensers that spray like the produce at Kroger. Constant freshness and sanitary-ness.

5) Prevent particular television shows. What did waiting rooms show prior to The View? Daytime television (I am looking at you too, Arthur) is banned from waiting room television sets. The Price is Right is the only exception. Waiting rooms must only show movies that one would stop and watch if you catch them while flipping through channels. These movies include anything that is a trilogy, anything by Pixar, and anything with Tom Cruise. Saved by the Bell is also acceptable.

6) People are slotted in seats based on sickness. I love Jesus, I want to love people like Jesus loves me, but I do not want to sit next to someone who is throwing up. Thus, there should be the following color-coded sections in each doctor's office waiting room. 1. cold / respiratory issues 2. diarrhea 3. vomiting 4. unknown / multiple systems. Someone will have to help me choose the colors...I am color blind.

I will continue to pay 25% of my salary for health insurance only if these bi-partisan reforms are implemented.

This Is Hot

2009-08-31T13:24:00.002-04:00

This guy and the guy with the homemade Wolverine claws should get together. I would never go above the speed limit again.

Poor Boy Pitino

2009-08-27T13:58:00.002-04:00

In an integrity emergency, please break glass and do the following.

1) Blame the media. (Pitino: You guys are the ones that are showing this...It's a sad day when Ted Kennedy dies (this is in the news)...If you are a fan of anything good this program has done, pleas watch something else...read something else.")

2) Smear / talk-down your accuser (Pitino:"This person... Her husband is trying to get 100% custody of the children...")

3) Play the family card ( (Pitino: "This has been hell for my wife nad my family. My friends and family had to read this garbage / these vicious things...")

4) Point forwards to the trial. ( (Pitino: " I will wait to the trial...my lawyers have asked me not to speak about this...the truth will come out.")

5) Claim you are ready to move forward (Pitino: "Let's move onto ... crucial things in life like basketball.")

6) Claim "victim" status. ( Angry Pitino: "I've been blackmailed...it's a sad commentary on our society (that we are paying attention to this)" )

Pitino Problemo

2009-08-19T20:24:00.002-04:00

In the land where the grass is blue (but it's really green), hearts are hung on ten-foot hoops. In this painted-area promised land, Rick Pitino has been anointed (not begrudgingly) savior not once but twice - resurrecting a penalized Kentucky program and shaking the University of Louisville out of the Denny Crum doldrums. The man in the white suit then slapped his savior-ship on two books and products stretching from Louisville to Lexington.

And now the other shoe...and the pants..have dropped. Pitino the father and husband has admitted to an affair and a payment for either an abortion or health insurance.

Despite his Xs and Os genius, Pitino was unable to XYZ and the response has been more difficult than getting caught in said zipper.

I will be torn - the name on the jersey represents a place I love enough to throw up a "rock on" sign at the mere mention of "the ville". Yet the self-described devout Catholic and his supporters fail to grasp the gravity of the situation. Pitino not only marketed his success, but also his piety. Not just his heart for the hardwood but his passion for people and their success.

And thus, Pitino can prove his ultimate love for others by not only admitting his mistake, but also accepting the consequences therein - by resigning. Never mind that coaches should be worthy of respect and universities should be places of learning and character building, Pitino can prove himself to be the man he calls others to be by sparing his family the vicious and vociferous venom lobbed at his loved ones. Regardless of whatever consequences he has felt like he deserves, his wife and sons deserve none. By falling on his clipboard, Pitino not only protects his family but incarnates his ultimate demand from his players: team play.

Voice in the Wilderness

2009-08-18T21:05:00.002-04:00

I am the voice, calling in the wilderness. I am the voice of love, of reason, of a life connected with God...and sometimes I pop up out of nowhere to share my prophetic guidance.

High Five

2009-08-16T22:43:00.002-04:00

What are the moments that changed everything? The things that, when you relate them in story are preceded by an ominous “and then it happened.” The happenings that don’t hit your plan off course but rebound a new one into existence. What are the flashbang moments that caste everything in back-lit relief?

If you could shave the whole of your experience to a flash-bulb beginning – what would it be? Not the birth of a child, or the passion-underscored conception of it, but the fleeting first glance, the hesitant first kiss, or the initial dawning of daydreaming love.

Mine would be this: a sticky summer night where flag-football practice gave way to the blue-eyed brunette on the sidelines. My friend Dustin called the brunette for himself, and I nodded with zero intention of agreeing. She was mine. Several months later, in a dorm room kitchen over creamy EZ-Mac, I told that brunette that I was falling in love with her. Four years later, on the banks of the Ohio River, I slipped a ring on her finger and told her that I would love her forever. Five years later, I love her more than I did then. My life is cast with a Dana backdrop that enhances and improves each part of it. I would have it no other way.

Cut It Out

2009-05-19T12:40:00.002-04:00

The part of me that still makes its home in the sticky hallway of junior high is stoked to see this. But that part of me knows enough to demonstrate on something other than a box, and somewhere other than my mom's basement.

Church Council Meetings

2009-05-08T21:29:00.003-04:00

Good to know that Barack sometimes gets frustrated by old white men as well.

Class Dismissed

2009-05-07T15:24:00.004-04:00

Two years ago (has it been that long?), about this time, I was enamored with an undersized Utah Jazz guard. He played like he spoke, with passion and class. Sadly, the gaudy purple and gold of Los Angeles can turn even Fine Derek Fisher into Douchy Derek Fisher.

Fisher later explained he was going to run through the pick and couldn't stop himself once he started going. Unfortunately for the Douchy Deuce (since he wears number 2, get it?), his dome got injured when he lifted it into Luis Scola's chin.

P.S. Dig Yao's Middle-school fu-manchu.

The Leprechaun

2009-05-07T14:49:00.003-04:00

It could be a crackhead or a shadow, but irregardless the leprechaun has emerged from a month-long slog in the YouTube morass to claim ultimate victory! In celebration of the amateur sketch and its resounding defeat of Bubb Rubb, Cassie, Denny Hazen, and the illustrious grape stomp. I present you with this victory dance.

I will give you the gold - because you won.

If you voted for the leprechaun, throw up your camera phone and give me YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The Finals

2009-05-04T20:37:00.002-04:00

The Clash of the YouTube Titans. Will the special Leprechaun flute silence the morning alarm clock? Will the YEEEAAH wipe out the WHOO WHOO!? Will Bubb Rubb and Lil Sis shut down camera-phones and crackheads? 1 vs. 2!!

(1)Alabama Leprechaun vs.
(2) Whistle Tips

The matchup, and the tournament, end at midnight CST Wednesday!

Final Four

2009-05-01T12:51:00.002-04:00

Having had some time to cleanse the YouTube palate, let us allow the belly laughs to bubble once more, with the tournament's final four.

(1) Alabama Leprechaun vs.
(4) Average Homeboy

The special leprechaun flute duels the running-it-by-myself Casio keyboard.

Average Homeboy
can rap until dawn
but will he de-tree
the lep-re-chaun?

(2) Whistle Tips vs.
(3) Cassie vs. the Monster

Will the whistle tips wake up Cassie in the morning? Or will Cassie deliver another ask-kicking to the combined Bubb Rubb and Lil' Sis?

Semi-Finals last until Sunday night! The battle to crown the champion commences on Monday.

We Interrupt this Hilarity....

2009-04-30T15:01:00.002-04:00

to bring you an important Public Service Announcement.

Tournament resumes tonight with the Final Four tipping off!

Round 2 - Matches 3 and 4

2009-04-22T21:40:00.003-04:00

Two spots left in the Final Four - who will join Blazin' Hazen and the Leprechaun (YEEEEEEEAAAH!!!)

Today's Matchup!

When kids attack - If Charlie comes in here, Cassie's gonna kick his ask. Either way, it WEALLY hurd, Chah-lee.

(3) Cassie vs. the Monster vs.
(6) Charlie Bit Me

Some-a US-Americans don't have maps - but some-a US-Americans have whistle-tips, that go WOOOO-WOOOO. Will Miss Teen South Carolina locate the whistle tips or will Bubb-Rubb and Lil Sis be heard from miles away?

(10) Miss Teen South Carolina vs.
(2) Whistle Tips

Round 2 ends Friday night! Finals weekend begins Saturday morning!!

Round 2 - Matchups 1 and 2

2009-04-21T12:38:00.003-04:00

Round 2 Begins!

This guy, decked out head to toe, tries to use his special leprechaun flute to tumble Scarlet right out of the tournament. Scarlet tries to perform that and break someone else's neck off a table. Crackhead in a tree, meet crackhead on a table.

(1) Leprechaun in Alabama vs.
(8) Scarlet Takes a Tumble

The Japanese Aerobics class beg Blazin' Hazen to spare me my life, while Denny reminds them that the audio is only rough because he was running it for himself. Will the Average Homeboy fare better than the bandanna-clad Homeboy Robbers?

(12) Japanese Aerobics vs.
(4) Blazin' Hazen

Voting open until noon CST tomorrow!

Hilar8e

2009-04-20T14:47:00.004-04:00

The Elite 8 have separated themselves from the pretenders. Despite the absence of "I like turtles" and "Grape Stomp", the laugh-inducing lineup will cause you great joy and great distress as you choose which box to click.

Preview the second round goodness - and come back tomorrow and Wednesday.

(1) Alabama Leprechaun vs.
(8) Scarlet Takes a Tumble

(12) English Lessons / Aerobics vs.
(4) Blazin' Hazen

(3) Cassie vs. the Monster vs.
(6) Charlie Bit Me

(10) Miss Teen South Carolina vs.
(2) Whistle Tips

Round 1 - Matches 7 and 8

2009-04-18T22:10:00.002-04:00

Waiting for the last two entries into the second round. Cassie kicks some ask and the Grape Stomp lady gets bitten by an English bulldog.

(3) Cassie (70%)
(14) Newscaster (30%)

(6) Charlie (55%)
(11) Grape Stomp (45%)

Today's Matchups!

Can Miss Teen South Carolina discover Kentucky on a map before the Turtleman pulls her by her tail? It is my personal belief that that there Indian Rebel yell is in for a battle.

(7) Kentucky Turtleman
(10) Miss Teen South Carolina

Will the whistling Bubb Rubb and Lil Sis (That's only in the morning!) drive Jesus crazy before He, and his vest-matching backup singers ZAP them?

(15) Sonseed
(2) Whistle Tips

You have until 8 AM CST Monday! Second round begins then!

Round 1 - Matches 5 and 6

2009-04-16T17:49:00.003-04:00

The dreaded 12 vs. 5 matchup results in the first upset of the tournament! Denny Hazen blazes on to the second round.

(5) Turtle Kid (45%)
(12) Japanese Aerobics (54%)

(4) Average Homeboy (69%)
(13) Pinky the Cat (30%)

Is the newscaster going to be gay...er...excuse me...victorious? Or is Cassie gonna kick her ask when she comes over here?

(3) Cassie and the Monster
(14) Newscaster Mistake

Will Charlie get stomped like a grape (oooh oooh aaah) or will Charlie bit me (and it really hurt!)?

(6) Charlie Bit Me
(11) Grape Stomp

You have 24 hours!

Round 1 - Matchups 3 and 4

2009-04-15T12:10:00.000-04:00

The number one seed Leprechaun holds off an explosive attempt from the sixteenth seed whale while number eight Scarlet narrowly avoids the surprised ninth-seeded Tyrone.

Today's Matchup!

Will the Turtle Boy teach the Japanese Aerobic girls a new English phrase? Or will the Japanese aerobics class take anything they want?

(5) I Like Turtles
(12) Japanese Aerobics

Will Pinky sink his teeth into the Average Homeboy? Or will Denny Hazen blaze Pinky? Remember, it's just a demo.

(4) Average Homeboy
(13) Pinky the Cat

You have 24 hours!

1st Round Matchup

2009-04-13T14:05:00.002-04:00

Will the upset-minded whale explode the leprechaun? Or will the leprechaun cast a shadow on all crackheads that attempt to uproot this tree?

1) Leprechaun in Alabama
(16) Exploding Whale

Will Tyrone surprise Scarlet with a right cross? Or will Scarlet tumble into the next round?

(8) Scarlet Takes a Tumble
(9) Tyrone vs. Halloween

Mirth Announcement

2009-04-09T22:46:00.002-04:00

Once you lose your laughter, it is a slippery slope down to bottoming burnout. So, in light of spring forgetting to arrive, let's crank the hilarity to eleven and pull off the knobs.

In light of (another) bracket defeat by not one, but two girls who have NO CLUE about college basketball, I decided to participate in a bracket that I could win - one that I put together. Below, you will find the preview bracket for a month's worth of mirth - culled from the finest You Tube has to offer. You, faithful reader (and casual passerby who stumbles here) will have a chance to measure the hilarity by casting your vote for one out of the two hilarious videos shown here. The videos are seeded (even though you can't see that) and one will advance from every match up.

Here are the guidelines I used:
1) The videos had to be unintentionally funny. Michael Scott and Andy Samberg will be sitting this one out.
2) The videos had to be clean - which almost disqualified Cassie.
3) When possible, I tried to limit the types of videos. (i.e. I could watch people falling all day). So, limited falling, limited animals, and limited people from Kentucky.

Below, you will find the bracket - voting starts Monday. Any guesses on the winner?

Virtual World

2009-04-08T19:07:00.003-04:00

Came upon this a brief but interesting article with regards to the virtual world created by doctored images. Copied and pasted below, with my emphasis added.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The hat tip.

French public health officials are considering laws that would ban the promotion of eating disorders — including a requirement that magazines reveal the extent to which their images have been artificially retouched. It’s viewed as a public health issue because girls and boys (and men and women) are feeling increasingly ashamed of their bodies as they compare themselves to what they see all around them — images of bodies that are not real, that have been photoshopped, digitally airbrushed and heavily modified.

Of course, ever since the birth of the movie star early last century, their images have been cleaned up, improved and controlled. Celebrities and pin-ups have been with us for a long time, and the fairytale world of far-off Hollywood was always infinitely better than whatever small town reality you were living in. But it was just that — a fairytale kingdom that existed far away, with relatively few inhabitants.

The difference, I suppose, is that of quantity, not quality. These days, altered images are ubiquitous; the fairytale world threatens to engulf our own. The illusion is more complete, too — with digital technology it’s harder to see the smoothing. Stalin would have drooled at the possibilities. Almost nothing one sees in print or advertisements hasn’t been “improved” in some way, except maybe some journalistic news photos — and even those are suspect. There’s the visual field that consists of us and our friends, and then there’s the print world — certainly more dramatic, and often more physically perfect. We live in a parallel universe, slightly more drab and definitely more pudgy.

One can’t legislate the heavenly world out of existence — people need fairytales, after all — but maybe a more constant reminder to not believe everything we see would help us to retain some tenuous connection with our pathetic reality. The thing is, we can’t help believing what we see. When I look at an impossibly sexy woman on a billboard, I can tell myself that she’s been sculpted and smoothed to death, but I’m riveted and transfixed nonetheless. Instinct triumphs over intellect.

Pascal Dangin, a well-known retoucher who works on a lot of the images in fashion magazines (and for some fine artists as well), naturally doesn’t see it exactly that way. He makes photos that “improve on life,” in his words. But if I can paraphrase, he might say that he makes an image more like what it wants to be — and therefore it ends up being closer to what we desire to see. That doesn’t necessarily mean perfect — he is careful to avoid airbrushing the personality out of a person — but it does mean he’s certainly not against making quite a few (what he has determined are aesthetic) improvements.

The health departments are alarmed at the effect all this is having on young people. Boys hanker for steroids, and girls, a session with the knife, in order to look more like what they see in the magazines. Unfortunately, the magazines don’t just feature physically enhanced people — they’ve been heavily retouched as well. We would have to hand out some kind of high-tech, rose colored, photoshopping glasses in order to achieve a visual simulation of the media population."

Insightful

2009-04-07T16:48:00.001-04:00

A Washington Post reporter likes to ask athletes metaphysical questions. He introduced his latest column with this.

"There's been a lot of talk this week among a certain segment of our readers on whether it's acceptable for a sportswriter to hate sports. Hyperbole aside, I'd say most of us have those moments of "Wow, I thought I was going to change the world and instead I'm watching a 16-55 NBA team descend to 16-56 while little kids dance to 'Mony Mony' on the big screen and grown men fight for freebie t-shirts fired by a dude in a full-body blue Spandex suit."

Even though I love my job, there are particularly difficult days where I think the ministerial equivalent of this.

Hall of Fame

2009-04-06T16:45:00.002-04:00

Already in my Hall of Fame, John Stockton is officially part of the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame.

The story of Stockton's career- he will be inducted alongside / overshadowed by Michael Jordan. It was good to see him again. He looks like he could average 10 points and 5 assists as a 47 year old.

Joys of the Jazz

2009-04-03T20:20:00.002-04:00

It's about time someone besides me paid attention to the Jazz. It's a shame it had to be done this way...

While I hope to raise Stockton as a Jazz fan, I would very much like to avoid this.

The Questions

2009-04-02T22:12:00.001-04:00

"Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone's face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentments? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions!" -Henri Nouwen

Mourning

2009-04-01T22:11:00.002-04:00

"I had already hit the wall, and this is the ton of bricks that was on top of the wall that I am now buried under."

Jason to Dana, Sunday night, 8:34 CST, after learning Stockton had body slammed the laptop.

I have learned many things as a father. And this week, I am learning forgiveness. My beloved baby boy, all 29 pounds of him, pulled the laptop off an end table, potentially destroying the hard drive and all that resided on it. (I say potentially because there is but one thing left to try and because I am in denial.) As of now, pictures and videos of Stockton's first year of life and a TOME of seminary material are lost somewhere between the dented whoseywhatsit and the jammed thingamajig.

One day we might look back on this and laugh, but not today friends. Not tomorrow either.

Probably not Monday either.

Don't Believe in Twitter

2009-03-21T23:51:00.002-04:00

As it turns out, Twitter KyleKorver is not the real life Kyle Korver. Please disregard the excitement of the previous post.

I feel used.

Palm face.

Believe in Twitter (part 2)

2009-03-20T14:32:00.005-04:00

Here is my exclusive twitterview (twitter interview) with Utah Jazz Shooting Guard Kyle Korver (or someone claiming to be him).

Jason: @KyleKorver - teach me to shoot like you! Who do you like in the tournament?
Kyle Korver: @jasontbrown Memphis
Jason: @KyleKorver when you guys travel on the road, do you have roommates? If so, who do you end up with?
Kyle Korver: @jasontbrown When we do it's usually with Harpring
KyleKorver: I need to starting getting ready for tonight. I will stay on for 5 more minutes.
Jason: @KyleKorver thanks for the impromptu inside access - good luck tonight

(this is as big as I could get the screen capture - sorry)

Quality Quotes

2009-03-12T22:52:00.003-04:00

From Eric Musselman's blog. As in, former coach of the Golden State Warriors and Sacramento Kings. Yes, I did send him an e-mail telling him how awesome his blog is, and yes, he did respond. Not quite Jerry Sloan (who, coincidentally, does not have a blog), but close!

According to Pablo Picasso, one of the world's great painters, his mother told him, "If you become a solider, you'll be a general. If you become a monk, you'll end up as Pope." He continued: "Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso."

Feline Freakout

2009-03-10T10:15:00.002-04:00

I have been meaning to upload this for a while. It happened a little over a month ago. It's crazy to see his development even since then. While outside, Stockton sees a cat and we chase it. Luckily, it rests on our porch and Stockton gets the thrill of his young life.

They Don't Serve Breakfast in Heaven Either

2009-03-06T14:36:00.001-05:00

This is the most depressing Christian song in history.

Stockton's Many Moves

2009-03-05T22:30:00.003-05:00

I love this little boy. There is no substitute for squirting each other with plastic animals while he's taking a bath or running around the house screaming and growling like a lion. Stockton has trooped through a couple of ear infections (or one super stubborn one) and it seems like he demonstrates a new ability every day. His latest (and funniest) exploits involve his new favorite thing - animals. He growls like a lion, moos like a cow, howls like a wolf, puckers like a fish, laps water like a cat, barks like a dog, and (my favorite) moves his elbows-out-arms while hooting like a monkey. This picture caught him mid-monkey. He likes to laugh, dance, kissy-face, repeat our words, be chased, drink bathwater, show you his belly, and is developing a severe independent streak. He does not like waking up, the word "no", or strangers (unless they are blond women - see number three on the "like" list.) Just today, he attempted to dribble a ball when I said "dribble."

I would not trade him for ten Utah Jazz championships.

Losing Teeth

2009-02-23T14:51:00.003-05:00

Over the course of the last couple of weeks, sleep has rarely come without the vivid backdrop of a disturbing recurring dream. At some point on the midnight dreary, my teeth drop out of my head. The pearly whites take a pass on being plastered to my head and, to my horror, slide out three and four at a time. It's not spontaneous dental hydroplosion (there's an obscure reference), but a disturbing large-scale loss of dentistry; I am left holding patches of porcelain.

A couple of websites have insight into my plight, none of them are flattering:

1) "Waking Dream" Sometimes teeth fall out, sometimes they are simply missing, sometimes they crumble away. Whichever way they make their exit, the dreamer is left with not only a gap in her smile, but a hole in her heart when she awakens. I do have a hole in my heart when I wake up...

2) "Personal Appearance Anxiety" One theory is that dreams about your teeth reflect your anxiety about your appearance and how others perceive you. Is this saying I am a pretty boy? Is that news?

3) "Fear of Embarrassment or Failure" Another rationalization for these falling teeth dream may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxiety I think I have embarrassed myself enough to be over that.

4) "Feelings of Inferiority or Powerlessness" Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. Is my little man's disease coming to light?

5) "Menopause" In the latest research, it has been shown that women in menopause have frequent dreams about teeth. This may be related to getting older and/or feeling unattractive and less feminine. Oh my.

"A Chainsaw Hit My Teeth"

2009-02-23T14:00:00.002-05:00

I am not proud that the majority of my blog has been YouTube highlights lately, but this was too good to pass up. Here is "The Turtleman", a gentleman in Kentucky (where else?) that hunts snapping turtles for fun.

Believe in Twitter

2009-02-20T13:35:00.001-05:00

I ran into a great story on an NBA blog I follow. check it out.

Whenever a celebrity has a blog, or a Twitter feed, or even writes a column -- you have to wonder: Is this really the celebrity writing?

Shaquille O'Neal's Twitter feed has been vouched for every which way. But that didn't stop Phoenix's Jesse Bearden from doubting. It was something he and his friend Sean had debated many times. Jesse writes about what happened next on his blog a Foot and a Half.

"You realize that 'The Real Shaq' is probably a 5-4, white, 14-year-old emo kid who's getting his jollies from the attention, right?" I asked him.

"I don't know. I think it's really him"

Today Sean and I were discussing rumored trade situations over IM, and the possibility of Shaq being traded to Cleveland.

"Well, I just got a twitter from The Real Shaq, and he's at 5 & Diner right now," Sean informed me.

"Let's go then" I said, assuming that I'd finally put this "Real Shaq" crap to rest.

Twenty minutes later we were pulling up to the restaurant and looking for the big black truck that he's rumored to drive around town. "Maybe that's it" Sean said, pointing at an older, but nice van and laughing. As we pulled up I saw the Superman symbol on the grill.

Maybe that is it?

We went in, and to my surprise the MDE (Most Dominant Ever) was sitting in the corner booth by himself. We gave the man a nod and "Hey" as we walked to our table and were soon whispering back and forth like 12-year-old girls at the seventh grade dance.

"You go talk to him" I said, while tugging nervously on my dress.

"No, you go talk to him" Sean replied while flipping his hair.

We placed our order, and spent 10 minutes trying to work up the sack to go say something.

"Should I tell him I'm glad he's sticking around?"

"Go tell him you're his twitter buddy."

"Should I ask for a picture?"

Given another two or three years, I'm sure we would have worked up the nerve to go talk to him, but before that could happen Sean's iPhone buzzed with a "tweet" from Shaq.

I feel twitterers around me, r there any twitterers in 5 n diner wit me, say somethin

[Editor's note: You can see this on Shaq's Twitter feed right now.]

"Hey" Sean said, with a slight bit of confidence.

Returning to our hushed whispers I asked Sean, "Should we go talk to him now?"
"I don't know, should we?"

"Yes, you should" a very deep voice entered our conversation from two booths over.

We quickly hopped up and rushed over like like two eight-year-olds who had just heard the ice cream truck pass by.

The rest of the story goes just like you'd like it to. O'Neal was extremely gracious, and a little gadget-oriented. He tipped about 6,000%, and everyone went home happy. Worth reading the whole thing.

And by all means doubt all kinds of things. But I, for one, will never again doubt the authenticity of Shaquille O'Neal's Twitter feed.

Believe in Twitter

2009-02-20T13:35:00.000-05:00

I ran into a great story on an NBA blog I follow.

Marinating

2009-02-12T11:03:00.003-05:00

"How baffling you are, oh Church, and yet how I love you!

How you have made me suffer, and yet how much I owe you!

I should like to see you destroyed, and yet I need your presence.
You have given me so much scandal and yet you have made me understand sanctity.

I have seen nothing in the world more devoted to obscurity, more compromised, more false, and I have touched nothing more pure, more generous, more beautiful. How often

I have wanted to shut the doors of my soul in your face, and how often I have prayed to die in the safety of your arms.

No I cannot free myself from you, because I am you, although not completely.

And where should I go?"

- Carlo Carretto, The God Who Comes

Innocent, Until Proven Guilty

2009-02-02T13:16:00.001-05:00

There is nothing funny about children missing or being abducted. With that disclaimer, this newscast makes a hilarious blooper.

Let Us Now Introduce Famous Men (And Women)

2009-01-21T21:44:00.004-05:00

Cue the 90s synth pop. Dim the lights. Thump the bass. Blow up the fireworks. And let me introduce you to the starting lineup for the All-Star Qualities, a team of mentors and teachers that have shaped the half-court offense of my life. They have rebounded my errant shots, screened off defenders, and coached me through the fast break of ministerial life. The starting five is limited to a) people older than me b) people who I have a personal relationship with (i.e. outside the classroom) c) people I have known for more than a year. Pull off your snap-on warm-up pants, slide your jersey on, clap and/or do your pregame dance ritual, and click the YouTube tune below. Here are the starters (with scouting report)...

At guard, Tony Akers - (initiates the offense and sets others up for success, not afraid to tell teammates the truth, deadly outside shot (though struggles with H-O-R-S-E at camp), not afraid to take the big shot; maintains peak physical condition through love and nutrition of Debbie Akers)

At the other guard, David Bauer - (sees all the angles on the court and in scripture, anticipates authorial intent and opponents next move; makes crisp scriptural connections and bounce passes; pinpoint accuracy anywhere in the New Testament and the New School of Hoops)

At forward, Coleman Howlett - (the heart and soul of the team; plays and preaches with heart and moxie; plays hard no matter what)

At the other forward, Sandra Richter - (undersized but makes up for it with unparalleled passion; cleans up the glass and cluttered Old Testament theology; tears up lackadaisical defense and Old Testament exegesis)

At center, Jim Hampton - (solid anchor in the middle of chaotic game and youth ministry; responds to layups and weak theology with "Get that outta here!")

One for the Scrapbook

2009-01-20T13:03:00.002-05:00

Remember when your mom would cut out anything that involved you in the newspaper? Blogspot is the new scrapbook. I was interviewed by the local paper about student / youth ministry. The article quotes me as calling youth "children" which I can't say that I have never done, but I try like the dickens not to. Other than that, it's a decent article. Here it is for your reading enjoyment.

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Ministering to youth
Leaders connect with young people on their level, teach them ‘what it takes to lead us to God’

Natalie Jordan, The Daily News, njordan@bgdailynews.com

Thirteen-year-old Seth Davis usually joins his peers on Sunday, but on Wednesday nights at Hillvue Heights Church, he’s helping out in Club 56 – the church’s special place for fifth- and sixth-graders.

“We’re just trying to get others interested in the message of God, and getting them saved,” he said.

Many churches are taking a team approach to minister to congregations with focuses on different age groups.

“You understand more when you’re younger,” Seth said, saying that adults are often too set in their ways. “We’re more willing to accept God and others.”

Adolescence is a time of emotional and spiritual upheaval, said Jason Brown, student minister at Broadway United Methodist Church. It’s a time when children are trying to figure out their identity and are looking for a connection to something, he said.

“We help them answer those questions, guide them on their lifelong journey with Christ,” Brown said. “There is a large emphasis on connection and relationships.”

Youth ministries serve as an outlet for fellowship, an outlet for growth in Christ, and a way to be involved in activities, such as bible studies that speak to children on their level, said Jeff Armstrong, next generation pastor for Living Hope Baptist Church.

Dealing primarily with 12- to 18-year olds, Armstrong has the help of two other youth pastors on staff. He said it just seems natural to break the ministry down to a child’s level, especially in larger churches with thousands of members.

“To depend on one man would be a large task,” he said.

What churches have done is delegate responsibilities to certain pastors who can deal with certain life stages, Armstrong said.

At Living Hope, Cindy Starr ministers to preschoolers and other children; at Hillvue that position is delegated to preschool minister Bethann Ayers, children’s minister Angela Lasley and youth minister Shane Blankenship. All three are seminary-trained, Lasley said.

“As the church has grown, the need to minister to certain age groups has grown,” Armstrong said.

Church is a family of God, Lasley said, and through Christ, “all are connected.” And there is a need for more people to help that connection, she said.

“The staff here is very willing to help us out, and do what it takes to lead us to God,” Seth said. “They’re not forcing us, but guiding us.”

While the role youth ministry plays is different in each church, a commonality is their goal to be a resource for parents. Churches look to partner with parents to help them raise their children in the way God’s word teaches, Armstrong said.

“We are not the primary spiritual leaders, parents are,” Lasley said. “So we want to supplement that.”

Lasley said people are seeing difficulties, and need help and support, which they find in ministry. As opposed to the adult ministry, she said the youth and children’s ministries are teaching ministries.

At Hillvue, the belief is that God has appointed every parent as his or her child’s primary spiritual instructor. The ministry’s role is to assist and equip parents in that task. The desire is to “facilitate the child’s growth in his or her relationship with Christ” and “prepare them to discover their uniqueness and God’s mission for their lives.”

“The children’s ministry provides a foundation, and the youth ministry supplements that,” Brown said. “We want them to establish a world view, not only looking at the world in a particular way but engaging in the world in a particular way. We want them to look at the world the way Jesus did and engage the way Jesus did.

“We want them to be lifelong disciples of Christ.”

On Confirmation

2009-01-19T21:02:00.003-05:00

Preparing to lead my second confirmation class, came upon this quote from Rufinus on the reason why the Apostles' creed was not written down:

"The reason why the creed is not written down on paper or parchment, but is retained in the believers' hearts, is to ensure that is has been learned from the tradition handed down from the Apostles, and not from written texts, which occasionally fall into the hands of unbelievers."

At long last....the 2008 Jaybees

2009-01-13T20:28:00.002-05:00

No lame jokes (maybe a few), no political statements, no drunk presenters, no teleprompter readings, just an honest look back on the year that was. Enjoy glistening golden "J"s. Keep your acceptance speeches short.

Proudest Moment – At the Kentuckians For the Commonwealth Annual Convention, my She-Ra won not one, but two awards. The entire weekend was bathed in “So you’re Dana’s husband!” Yes I was. Honorable mention: every time I go anywhere in public with the little stud. Except the time the Mom’s Day Out teachers told me he was trying to kiss all of the girls in the class. Second Honorable Mention: Standing in line with Stockton to vote.

Most “Oh Jesus, you’re going to have to help me moment” – Middle of October, in a Paducah, KY emergency room with Dana and a feverish baby boy. The nurse attempting to take an x-ray was torturing Stockton by holding him down and holding “Kitty” (Stockton’s Kitty = Linus’ blanket) juuuuuuuust out of reach while Stockton screamed. Touch of pneumonia in his lungs, touch of breaking in my heart, and more than a touch of helplessness in my soul.

Best Book (Seminary) – Oden’s Systematic Theology (recycled from Dr. Coppedge’s Basic Christian Doctrine class.

Best Book (non-Seminary) – All the King’s Men by Robert Penn Warren. The idealist clashes with the pragmatist…sounds somewhat like my marriage.

Most Embarrassing Moment– Wilmore, KY, the Aja’s kitchen. Stockton has done what Stockton does a lot – pooped in his diaper. For reasons unbeknownst to the human mind, Dana stands Stockton up THEN takes the diaper off. Unfortunately, this soupy poopy flowed like a river, deep and wide, all over the Aja linoleum.

Most Surprising Moment – The ninjas / waiters at El Mazatlan sneaking up behind me, then slamming my face with a suffocating amount of whipped cream / ice cream / cinnamon / honey. This is the way I want to die.

Best New Discovery – The power of a baby’s mind. From rasberrying lips to tickling bellies, Stockton attempts to do everything I do. Dana has taught him sign language – I have taught him to pull up people’s shirts and tickle / raspberry. If you lay on the floor, he’ll flash a two-toothed mischief marker and raspberry you.

Best Re-Discovery – The Lectionary.

Best New Skill – Learning Final Cut Pro.

Friend(s) of the Year Award – At the beginning of the year, I made up for three relatively non-sick years with a month-eliminating crud that reduced me to Dana-calling whimper. John David must have thought that I was faking it in order to skip youth – but he filled in faithfully each night. Also, Dana called him to hang stuff up in the house and generally be manlier than I. I won’t tell anyone you watch Gossip Girl, John David, please come forward and accept your Jaybee.

YouTube Video of the Year – Not even close. This one is responsible for a near revolution at church and dissolution of my marriage.

God-Moment of the Year – Saturday night, Senior High Retreat, circled with friends, proclaiming God’s freedom / salvation

Funniest Moment – A day in the church office is marked by time of prayer, thoughtful reflection, quiet, and general seeking of the Holy Spirit…and the occasional prank. I convinced the children’s minister that Hugh Jas was interested in knowing more about the children’s program. He repeated the name several times before realizing that Mr. Jas never spoke to him.

Best Community Building Moment – Six Schrutes, sans babies, sitting hip-to-hip soaking up life on Nicholasville Road and at the Melting Pot. 30 minutes of full body laughter, 30 minutes of waiting for a table, 5 minutes of worrying what Dana was going to do to the manager, 60 minutes of chocolate-soaked quality.

Quote of the Year – On youth ministers: "We are sentries standing, praying and pointing the way, protecting where we can and pushing where we must in the direction that God calls them to go." - Tony Akers Honorable Mention: "No we're not gonna do Stonehenge tonight!" - Spinal Tap

The Doll that Laughs (and gives you nightmares)

2009-01-08T13:31:00.004-05:00

I am still trying to get my books / life / picture of Jerry Sloan and I / plates / cups / bed sheets / Utah Jazz slippers out of the thousands of boxes that line the corners of the new crib. As soon as I do, I will present the 2008 Jaybees. For a recap of last year's winners, click here. In the meantime, enjoy this circa 1982 quality toy.

John Stockton - Pitchman?

2008-12-23T13:00:00.002-05:00

John Stockton: namesake of my son, all-time NBA assists leader, all-time NBA steals leader, the point guard position defined, and pitchman?! For Diet Pepsi? I am a borderline obsessed Stockton fan, and this is new to me. Jesus save us.

Good For Coughs

2008-12-22T22:06:00.000-05:00

The Stanford School of Medicine has put together a compendium of cigarette company advertisements. These advertisements exist on the border between hilarious and insane; featuring doctors, cartoon characters, nurses, cultural icons, athletes, government officials, priests, men, women, and even babies(!) promoting the use of cigarettes - sometimes for HEALTH BENEFITS! The health benefits include, ironically enough, getting over a cold, and easing a sore throat or cough. There is a section where advertisements of the past are set side by side with more contemporary counterparts.

Give yourself some time and check out the gallery and commentary. I spent about an hour browsing through the different advertisements before hearing Buddy the Elf whisper very loudly to the tobacco companies: "You sit on a throne of lies."

Crikey!

2008-12-21T17:15:00.000-05:00

The creative ways of the Creator are of unending fascination to me. First, Ranger Rick and Zoobooks ushered me into pouched kangaroos and shade-shifting chameleons. Then, the (Crikey!) Crocodile Hunter brought crocodiles and snakes into the living room. Now, CNN is getting in on the action by reporting that over 1,000 new species of flora and fauna have been discovered. Here are some highlights:

- "A rat believed to be extinct for 11 million years, a spider with a foot-long legspan, and a hot pink cyanide-producing "dragon millipede" are among the thousand newly discovered species in the largely unexplored Mekong Delta region" I have no desire in seeing a rat. I have even less desire to see a spider with a "foot-span" half the size of my son.

- "Perhaps a more startling discovery than the rat was a bright green pit viper scientists spotted slithering through the rafters of a restaurant in Khao Yai National Park in Thailand." Given the recent 47 out of 100 health score for my favorite Asian restaurant in Bowling Green, this is troubling.

- "There are cultural obstacles to protecting rare species, too. Many restaurants serve them as food. Restaurants often have rickety bamboo floors that one can look through to see cages filled with exotic animals, Chungyalpa says. The more exotic the animal, the more status it often bestows on the person who consumes it." Can't they just look at a menu?

Thankfully, the McRib and the Fish Filet continues to be made without harming our endangered allies.

The Price is Wrong

2008-12-19T16:53:00.002-05:00

I mastered the art of faking a fever in order to hear "Come on down!" and see the sucker-stick-thin microphone of Bob Barker. One of my life goals was to get on the Price is Right. Having seen the amount of passion and excitement Drew Carey responds to a record-breaking Showcase Showdown, I will instead aim for Jeopardy. Raise your game, Drew.

Robe-Man-Tic

2008-12-17T18:40:00.004-05:00

As I sit on my living floor typing this particular blog entry, I am enjoying sipping a mug of hot chocolate sitting in my terry-cloth robe. Despite what others may tell you, wearing a robe in no way denigrates your manhood. In fact, wearing a robe puts you in good company, including:

Jesus, the Son of God, the Savior, the model of life (it would stand to reason that since Jesus wore a robe, God also wears a robe. Also, if Jesus was wearing a robe when he left, will he be wearing one when he comes back? Will I get to skip to the front of the line if I am wearing my robe? Won't I have an awesome conversation piece with Jesus upon His return? We can talk brands, materials, how heterosexual it is to wear a robe, etc.)
Paul, the man who spread the news of the Gospel
The Disciples
The Prophets
Kings (including Kind David, and King Solomon - the wisest man who ever lived wears robes!)
Various monks, priests, philosophers, and intellectuals

Further, donning a robe is often done on special occasions, so wearing a robe allows you to remember and recall the following special occasions:

Graduation / Commencement
Baptism

Finally, robes not only provide comfort, but also convenience. Most robes have pockets to hold books, pens, notebooks, and other intellectual paraphernalia. Gym shorts and t-shirts do not allow for carrying any of these things comfortably.

Thus, robe wearing has a celebrated and manly history.

27 at 27

2008-12-16T22:15:00.001-05:00

Twenty-seven years ago, my parents met my slippery-naked self and were amazed at how giant my ears looked next to my head. My ears have continued to grow at an exponential rate. Here are 27 other things I have learned about myself and life in general.

1. You can always do it better. If you had more time, more energy, or saw more colors. Perfectionism can kill you because it paralyzes your ability to accept and perform the good.
2. Write stuff down. You will forget the great idea, great illustration, or God-insight that you just had. Carry a pen with you at all times (pilot G-2 07) and a piece of paper (or a moleskine).
3. Find a worthy mentor. Ask lots of questions.
4. Don’t use the bathroom on public toilets. That is gross. (Side note: There is nothing worse than a cold toilet seat.)
5. The first 8 months of parenthood are the most difficult of your life…so far.
6. Don’t overuse words – it makes them less powerful. The only word that maintains its power is “love”.
7. The Gospel of Luke is my favorite book of the Bible. I believe Luke when he says he researched it thoroughly – that sits well with me.
8. You mimic the people around you, whether you mean to or not.
9. Everything I do (talk on the cell phone, flip the remote, eat a steak, raspberry bellies), Stockton attempts to do until he does it.
10. I like popsicles – the kind in the plastic sleeve. Crunch up the popsicle and drink the juicy deliciousness.
11. Your Facebook status is not the place to write emo poetry / song lyrics.
12. Find a wife who will be honest to you. It may be difficult when she tells you that you look like crap – but you will feel better when you change into wife-approved outfit.
13. My dad can fix anything and use the words sprocket and wingnut in proper context. Sadly, I cannot.
14. If the church expects to be relevant, then it must speak God’s truth to the minimum wage, your retirement fund, 3rd period Spanish, and the 15 items or less checkout lane at Wal-Mart. What does God have to say to that person who haggles for free fries at McDonald’s because his order took so long?
15. Classic books are called “classic” for a reason. They are the ones that haunt you – not in the Stephen King way – and make you think.
16. Black jellybeans are made by Satan.
17. Nothing makes me angrier than people who say, “he’s white” because a person can’t dance or “he’s black” because a person can dunk. Why are these things ok to say?
18. No one ever says, “Hey! Remember that time you stayed home and played Madden and watched YouTube by yourself!” I’m not saying its not necessary (because it is, Dana) just saying no one ever gets excited about it.
19. If you get cold while you sleep, you should marry someone who gets hot while they sleep. That way, the covers they toss off go onto you.
20. Everyone should have a little boy with a gummy grin.
21. Having someone to always scratch your back: one of the best parts of being married.
22. Barbecue sauce makes everything more delicious.
23. I have difficulty accepting marketing people in ministry positions. Marketing is about spinning lies into truth – ministry is about separating the two. (with a hat tip)
24. Men who wear bathrobes are not gay. They simply enjoy being warm and comfortable.
25. Belly laughs and good art are necessary for a good life – and are to be enjoyed with friends.
26. Most things happen on a continuum. Stockton didn’t just flip a switch one day and start talking / walking / laughing – these things slowly evolved over time, from the prone-position lunge, to the army crawl, to the four legged crawl, to the tentative step, to the confident step. People, relationships, and faith are the same way – things develop on a continuum, not binary switches that have two, and only two, positions.
27. The internet is awesome (Wikipedia, Facebook, YouTube, Blogs, etc.) but runs the risk of demeaning complex issues into a two-minute (or two-second) sound byte. I have found myself NOT watching a YouTube video because you had to wait over three minutes to get to the funny part.
28. (bonus fact!) “Fragment consider revising” would be a great title for a blog or a book.
29. (extra bonus fact!) No one reads blogs that are this long. (see number 27) Thanks, quality reader, for making it this far.

Sean Connery on Successful Marriage

2008-11-20T15:16:00.001-05:00

Dana will kill me for this.

Leadership

2008-11-19T14:54:00.003-05:00

Read this quote a while back, and it has been bouncing around my head ever since - especially as to how it pertains to the moving target of student ministry and ministry in general.

"Success is giving the people what they want. Leadership is giving the people what they need."

Straight outta Compton..er... Retirement Village, Florida

2008-11-18T14:07:00.001-05:00

I love it when generations come together. Stick around for highlight at 4:10.

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Where there is no vision...

2008-11-14T10:06:00.002-05:00

The "Big Three" automakers are already in President-Elect Obama's ear banking on another bailout. While one can point to the inability and unwillingness of the auto industries to invest in cheaper, more fuel efficient cars as the prime example of the automaker's problems, going unnoticed is the incredible amount GM alone spends on health care for its employees, both current and past.

From this article in the New York Times.

In fact, paying the cost of hospital stays, surgeries and expensive drugs for retirees, a group now larger than G.M.’s active work force, is a major reason the company’s financial woes are so great. G.M. says it spent $4.6 billion in 2007 on health care for its one million employees and retirees and their dependents.

To save money, GM is eliminating the health care benefits of retirees, many of which will end up on Medicare.

The problems are legion. The cost of health care, the problematic approach to letting employers provide health care, but most importantly is the inability of General Motors leadership to vision for the future or even manage a budget. I am certainly nervous about any collapse of the big three automakers, but if a bailout is necessary, let us put major stipulations (like investments in fuel economy and alternative energy instead of lobbyists and public relations) on it.

NBA = JOB?

2008-11-12T12:53:00.003-05:00

I have been conflicted in my support for professional sports in general lately, given that people are losing jobs at an alarming rate while we pay people exorbitant amounts of money to catch and throw balls. An NBA franchise, however, is doing something about the receding economy, by not only offering fans free tickets, but also access to a career fair and a job bank for merely submitting an application.

From the article: "Unemployed fans who submit resumes to the Nets Job Bank will receive up to four free tickets, plus access to a career fair at the Izod Center on Nov. 22, Nets team president and chief executive Brett Yormark announced Tuesday."

Good to see a professional sports franchise investing in a local economy beyond "civic pride." In an era where taxpayers foot the bill for billion dollar stadiums and arenas they will never enjoy to the fullest, it is refreshing to see a franchise with a sense of civic responsibility.

Go Nets!

Treasure in Heaven

2008-11-11T13:34:00.003-05:00

...but student loans due on earth. Thus, Threat Level Midnight will now feature clickable ads. Don't worry, they will be free of fornication promoting advertisement, but they will be (supposedly) coordinated with whatever I write about. (Yikes.)

To borrow a line from my friend, don't judge me.

The 80s Win Again

2008-11-01T23:20:00.003-04:00

As one candidate has put it,today provides for a choice between the past and the future. Unfortunately, despite lots of quality discussion (http://jasontbrown.blogspot.com/2008/08/whats-in-name.html) Bowling Green has named their baseball team in the distinctive past, notably with a distinctive 80s flair. Not the Cave Shrimp, or the Cake Batters...put your hands together (or rev your engines...meh) for the Bowling Green Hot Rods.

The logo is seizure-inducing busy - with baseball hubcaps, stitched up wordmark, motion lines on the base paths (on a logo which is not a diamond), and a burnt orange car spewing flames. No simple elegance here - just heaped on design elements like a five-year-olds Lego creation. I count four colors - but there might be more. I am not the best person to go to for colors.

Give me the Cake Batters (or just the Batters) and a little chef with a whisk for a bat. Give me the Cave Shrimp, and a little squinty shrimp looking for a pitch. Anything but this busier than any road in Bowling Green logo.

Trick or Treat

2008-11-01T14:16:00.002-04:00

The best part is the end...

Lectionary Leaning

2008-10-30T15:23:00.003-04:00

"Screw the lectionary."

These exact words came out of my college sophomore mouth not long before I preached for the very first time, and exactly .12 seconds after a friend had suggested we consult the lectionary before striking out our own theme for College Worship Sunday. The lectionary was lazy and did not allow for the preacher to adequately convey the message God laid on his or her heart.

The older / wiser me is now moving in a different direction. In a world where students, and people in general, are increasingly biblically and story of God illiterate, I find myself drawn near to the wisdom and foundational nature of the lectionary. I am considering drastically reducing the number of "thematic" sermons I do (if not eliminating them altogether) and moving to lectionary for the majority of the jr. high Sunday night curriculum.

A couple of thoughts:
- the lectionary walks the congregation through the entire Bible in 3 years, how many people, students or otherwise, can say they have done that? The three year window, incidentally, fits perfectly with the three years of junior high.
- moving to the lectionary is a humbling experience for me - the planner and creator of many a high quality thematic series. I am sure, however, that scripture will speak more powerfully than my latest Bob-Barker themed creation.
- preaching the lectionary keeps me (or anybody else) from finding a couple "home" passages and always heading back to them. I always seem to find my way back to Romans 12 and Galatians 2:19 20 ;).

Let me know what you think.

Yes

2008-10-26T13:54:00.002-04:00

Let's not be cliche. If ministry is real, it is a demanding. I recently read that doctors performing the autopsy on 38-year-old Martin Luther King, Jr. discovered the heart of a 70-year-old man. Often in ministry, (or maybe because of all the Filet O' Fishes I have eaten) my heart feels much older than my age (and especially how old I look). To quote my rabbi, I feel the millstone.

But today...today was pretzel day - and the sugary goodness of a shared "aha!" (or Aja) moment proves the power of scripture and the Triune God it points to.

After a brief outline of epistles and Paul, I had my ten students read the first ten verses of Galatians, and asked them to break it down for me. What was the problem that Paul was trying to address? Here are their answers:

- People making the gospel something it is not
- People not listening to / ignoring the Holy Spirit

No "Adventurer's Bible" outline, no clever words from their youth minister, no slick DVD graphics, no fill-in-the-blank-seek-and-find, just students encountering the living Word. Here's the beautiful part:

Jr. High Student: "When was this written?! These are problems now!"

Smile. Let it sink in.

We went on to talk about how, despite mastering the bells and whistles of the 21stcentury, human beings are still human beings - and as such - the timeless words of scripture are as poignant and powerful as when they were first penned.

New School is Old School

2008-10-25T00:37:00.005-04:00

It has been hard to get excited about the upcoming NBA season - economy in the ditch, pending student loan payments, cheering for millionaires while selecting from the dollar menu. Nonetheless, the NBA season is nearly upon us, and my beloved Utah Jazz are picked by at least one (exactly one) analyst to play in the NBA Finals. In preparation for their title run, the Jazz have ditched the 80s color bleed and reintroduced a recolored music note / basketball / "J" logo I fell in love with those years ago.

Check it out.

In.

Out.

For the Lexicon

2008-10-16T19:48:00.002-04:00

Idiodyssey - [id-ee-od-uh-see] noun.

- a journey or experience with moronic or unscrupulous persons
- ex. Johnny thought the field trip would be fun, but it turned into another idiodyssey.

Rights and Responsibilities

2008-10-15T19:53:00.004-04:00

Does anyone have difficulty asserting ones rights? This election cycle, both local and nationwide, seems to have people from all edges of the political spectrum screaming about their rights, both real and perceived. The right to kill lung cells while enjoying ribs at BW3s, the right to abort an unborn child, the right to charge exorbitant rates for inadequate housing, and the right to pay as little taxes as possible.

I want to flip the switch. Rather than thinking about life in terms of "rights", let's think about it in terms of responsibilities. What is my responsibility to my fellow human being? My Creator and Redeemer? The next generation? My wife? My child? The students and families that I minister to? The earth?

I can fill up this tiny space with the rhythm of responsibility that hums and beats throughout my life - but I would prefer to recast the whole political system in terms of responsibilities. What responsibility do the local and national candidates have? And more importantly, how do they see themselves fulfilling this responsibility?

what do you think?

My favorite was Michelangelo...

2008-10-07T22:32:00.004-04:00

The reporter that did this interview did a follow-up interview with the turtle-zombie and he seemed like a bright, well-spoken young man. This zombified confession, however, was not his finest hour.

...and I approve this message

2008-10-07T21:37:00.003-04:00

The NBA preseason started this evening, yet my eyes and ears were glued to the presidential debate. Layups (at least preseason) seemed lame in the face of the current economic malaise. The current crisis, combined my current role as baby-daddy instead of three-point bomber, has me feeling quite political. So, grant me this blog in order to outline my preliminary platform.

Limit the length of legislation
The United States Constitution contains 4400 words. No legislation will exceed this
amount of words. If it only takes this amount to create a country, it should take less than that to propose legislation for the country. Verbose legislation leads to missed earmarks that create HAY-UGE burdens for taxpayers - limiting the length of legislation will eliminate the hiding places for ridiculous earmarks. Also, all congressional leaders are required to read all bills proposed.

Withhold pay from Congressional leaders who are not present during congressional business
Congress generally works for less than half of the year (roughly 150 or so days). Despite only working for this brief amount of time, congressmen and congresswomen find time to miss congressional votes (to campaign for another job, for example) while yet collecting a paycheck. I know of no other job where a person, for no good reason, can miss so much time and still expect to collect a paycheck. In fact, throughout history those in congress have worked OTHER jobs besides the House and Senate.

Each year, congressional leaders must present to taxpayers (their employers) a list of failed and passed bills that they proposed or amended
Think of it as a resume. Each year, at my place of employment, I set goals and, at the end of the year, review how I did on those goals. I imagine it is like this at most businesses - why does this accountability not exist at the highest levels of government? I want to see the resume of politicians every year, especially during an election year.

Stop the privatization of profits and the socialization of debt
The most recent update of the economic entropy included the high level executives at AIG held a $440,000 party immediately following the bailout. If the United States (and the taxpayers therein) is going to purchase stock in these failing economic giants, it should be valuable voting shares such that any other investor gets when they buy stock in a company.

A basic four-corner platform I think we can all get with. Vote Brown / Brown on your write-in ballot in 2008. (At this point, I cannot tell you whether Dana will be the VP or the outright pres. Maybe a shadow VP with all the knowledge and know-how?)

Jesus was a Youth Pastor

2008-09-18T16:10:00.002-04:00

For Broadway Student University (think Sunday School, but more intense and more awesome), my students and I have been reading through the gospel of Matthew. After each Matthew-marinated feast, I gain a fuller appreciation for the gospel. Reading it slowly, and with an eye towards framing students' lives with it, has made it come alive in a special way. Specifically, I have discovered that Jesus was a youth pastor, who also dealt with parents.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Matthew 20:20-23

Then the mother of Zebedee's sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of him. "What is it you want?" he asked.

She said, "Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom."

"You don't know what you are asking," Jesus said to them. "Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?"

"We can," they answered.

Jesus said to them, "You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And, like a God youth pastor, Jesus refers the suggestion to the senior pastor. ;)

Dunning Kruger Effect

2008-09-17T16:12:00.001-04:00

Not unrelated to the previous post...

"Dunning-Kruger effect (dun'-eng kroo'-guhr e-fekt') noun. The phenomenon wherein people who have little knowledge or skill tend to think they know more or have more skill than they do, while simultaneously overlooking or underestimating the knowledge and skills of others.

Usage example: There's this guy in my pickup league who couldn't hit a shot if a genie gave him three wishes and he used all three to do it...but he always chucks it up without conscience. He must be suffering from Dunning-Kruger effect.

Word history: The term is based on a series experiments performed by Justin Kruger and David Dunning, both of Cornell University, the results of which were published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in December 1999. Here's an explanation from the abstract:

People tend to hold overly favorable views of their abilities in many social and intellectual domains. The authors suggest that this overestimation occurs, in part, because people who are unskilled in these domains suffer a dual burden: Not only do these people reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the metacognitive ability to realize it. Across four studies, The authors found that participants scoring in the bottom quartile on tests of humor, grammar, and logic grossly overestimated their test performance and ability. Although their test scores put them in the 12th percentile, they estimated themselves to be in the 62nd. Several analyses linked this miscalibration to deficits in metacognitive skill, or the capacity to distinguish accuracy from error.

Incompetent individuals will be less able than their more competent peers to gain insight into their true level of performance by means of social comparison information. In particular, because of their difficulty recognizing competence in others, incompetent individuals will be unable to use information about the choices and performances of others to form more accurate impressions of their own ability.

Thus, most people think they're better than they really are, but they're too stupid to realize it. And that same stupidity makes it difficult (and sometimes impossible) for them to recognize skills and competence in the non-stupids, which perpetuates their cycle of idiocy and megalomania."

Would anyone like to discuss the implications of this for ministry? ;)

Sinful Dancing (pt. 2)

2008-09-16T18:28:00.003-04:00

You can't keep a good video down....

Here's the link to "The Renewed Mind" in all its original glory.

http://www.theway.org/Current/Mar07/Mar07Flash4.htm

Sinful Dancing

2008-09-16T11:23:00.005-04:00

Some denominations reject dancing as sinful...maybe this is why.

1) When did John Travolta give up Scientology?
2) Dig the guy in the background getting into it.
3) Dig the breakdown.
4) Is that the REAL copyright date? Jesus save us...

Hat tip for this day-making hilarity this way.

UPDATE - It seems the Travolta family was less than impressed that their song and dance was making its way around the internet. So, those of you that got to the party late will just have to imagine the hilarity.

What is Church?

2008-09-15T15:12:00.004-04:00

How much ink has been spilled to attempt to define the church? How do you define the chemistry between lovers? The euphoria of understanding and embrace? Have we considered this - the very nature of the church is undefinable - finding its rhythm in art and poetry?

My favorite painting is "The Dance of Youth" by Pablo Picasso. For me, it is a summary of what church should be. A joyous dance centered on the Triune God.

Sometimes art explains life better than our attempts to quantify it.

I'm hoping you'll catch the rhythm with me.

Swinging and Smiling

2008-09-15T00:45:00.005-04:00

photo taken by Carissa Martin. She's high quality - check her out.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

2008-09-13T13:58:00.003-04:00

Faced with imminent danger and destruction of property, some Texans assure Ike that Tina is to be found elsewhere.

Testify!!

2008-09-12T19:28:00.003-04:00

For those of you that have never heard me speak / preach / testify - here is a snapshot from the latest youth group.

Those people in the background are some of my senior high students.

Actually, this came from the "Hero Maker" machine. They have a new "Rockstar maker" - and my Rockstar looked more revivalist preacher than rock star.

Create your own rock star here - and let's rock (or TESTIFY!) together.

Dunning-Kruger Effect

2008-09-11T15:52:00.003-04:00

Commodity to Sell

2008-09-11T14:00:00.002-04:00

1) Breaking this down to its lowest common denominator, this woman is prostituting herself in order to secure funds for graduate school.

2) Publicity stunt or not, her conundrum speaks to a larger societal ill. It is sad that access to education, including graduate school, is becoming more and more limited to those who have funds. In this way that the gap between the rich and the poor continues to widen.

3) Further, it is sad that a capitalistic worldview has so pervaded our culture that everything has some level of commodification (knowledge, assistance, ministry, virgins). Thus, one is measured based on what they have to sell, what they can produce, or what they can deliver.

4) Did you notice the girls with the cross emblazoned on their shirts give voice to their thoughts? "Giving up ones virginity to get money for grad school is a noble reason.."

5) This Bunny Ranch dude is a pimp. (There should not be a positive sense of this term.)

6) She wants to use her virginity to secure funds in order to become a marriage and family therapist. (?!) Take a minute to marinate in the irony of that. (Perhaps my seminary friends and I should begin a drug ring to pay off our sizable seminary debt.)

Proverbs 31 Woman

2008-09-04T13:11:00.004-04:00

Dana is a proud feminist. This makes for fun discussions when we talk about gender roles. Inevitably, I throw back at her the old "Proverbs 31 Woman" and ask her how many fields she has purchased lately. She laughs (or gives me the Dana-face) and we move on.

As is often the case when you read scripture instead of just parroting what you've heard about it - I discovered that my beautiful bride is a Proverbs 31 woman. Although the hasn't bought any fields, she does not bring her food from afar (she is a "locavore"), and she makes line-item arguments instead of linen garments.

But step back into Proverbs 31 a bit more, and it fits Dana to an absolute "T" (or "D")

Proverbs 31: 8 - 9a

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute
Speak up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the poor and needy."

My beautiful wife...worth far more than rubies, diamonds, or Utah Jazz gear.

Montage Mountain

2008-08-31T23:46:00.003-04:00

Behold the beauty of the montage. The slow-motion movements, the quick-cut closeups of pained facial expressions, the Ed Burns effect on a background cityscape, the swelling orchestra strings, and the triumphant horns.

The montage has the rare ability to transform lame into awesome in two minutes or less.

Sometimes when Dana, Stockton, and I are bored at home, I create a montage of my own - from myself (and my own slow-motion movements). Here is the song that I hear in my head...

Stocking Up

2008-08-26T17:28:00.002-04:00

Recently, my morning commute consisted of a DJ that disgusted me for the whole day. During a diatribe, the DJ, in comparing the original 1992 USA Basketball "Dream Team" and its more recent reincarnation as the "Redeem Team", dismissed John Stockton as an inferior point guard to Chris Paul, an up-and-comer who just finished his third season in the league.

I nearly pulled over and vomited.

It's not just the guys who get paid to speak in hyperbole who have lost the greatness of John Stockton. My Stockton may choose to eventually go by his middle name, because of the three namesake-understanding / acknowledging responses:

1) Ugh.
2) Dirty.
3) Short shorts.

If you are wondering, the proper three responses would be:

1) Best.
2) point guard.
3) ever.

If you define a point guard based on his ability to initiate his team's offensive attack and disrupt that of the opponents - this is not an argument. Stockton is is first all-time in assists (15,806!) and steals (3,265). Stockton averaged averaged a double-double for his career and had five of the top six assist total seasons in NBA history. For comparison's sake, Steve Nash won back-to-back MVPs averaging FEWER points and FEWER assists in a season than Stockton did over two seasons (88-89 / 89-90)! Over three seasons, Stockton AVERAGES over 17 points and 14 dimes PER GAME.

Although this post is starting to sound like psycho-fan-boy, it should be noted that Stockton turned down more money from other teams to stay in Utah, holds the career record for most games with a single franchise, took less money so Utah could build a contender in 96-97, and negotiated his own contract with a stipulation for his son's hockey team to get ice time in the Jazz arena. Stockton didn't accept endorsements and never sniffed trouble off the court.

Don't confuse Stockton's moxie-filled fighting through and setting screens with Malone's angry elbows. Don't mistake Stockton's tenacity with Malone's pointed toes. And finally, don't confuse the "new" guard as better than Silent John until they are looking down on him from atop the all-time assist list.

Dig those "mountain" jackets.

What's in a Name?

2008-08-22T14:26:00.003-04:00

The ever-expanding metropolis of Bowling Green, Kentucky (known to some as little California or little Texas ;) ) recently announced it will be getting its own single-A baseball team. True to form, the folks bringing baseball to Bowling Green are holding a "Name the Team" contest. It is interesting that most of the names have some local flavor, instead of name that just alliterates with Bowling Green. Here are the finalists:

Bowling Green Speedsters - for Bowling Green's automotive heritage, which is fair, but boring; you can already see the cartoon car with the "speed lines" for the mascot.

Bowling Green Hot Rods - for the local, historical Hot Rod race track and the annual Hot Rod festival held here. Makes me think of something nuclear or the old Transformers movie...

Bowling Green Bluegills - a tenth of a point deduction for the alliteration; "named for the multitude of local residents who fish for Bluegill"; isn't the plural of "bluegill" also "bluegill"? like "bass" or "jazz" or "fish"? I've never heard someone say "I'm fishing for bluegills" but I don't fish.

Bowling Green Turbos - again, the automotive link; meh. makes me think of NBA Live. Maybe when a "turbo" hits a homerun the public address announcer can say, "He's on fire!"

Bowling Green Sparkplugs - "celebrating the city's love of motorsports with a name that minor league baseball is known for"; Not bad. Will they be the "plugs" for short?

Bowling Green Mammoths - One of my favorites. This whole region of Kentucky is above Mammoth Cave, the world's largest cave system. Not sure how you would work a mascot around a cave, but I like it alot.

Bowling Green Cave Shrimp - far and away my favorite. The perfect name for a minor league baseball team that is equal parts local and hilarious. "Cave Shrimp" are endangered albino shrimp that are indigenous to Mammoth Cave.

Bring on the Cave Shrimp!!!